When Good Advice Is Bad Advice

There is SO much advice out there about how to build your business, market yourself, grow your audience, get clients, create content — and a whole lot of people telling you, “This is what works.”

But just because something works doesn’t mean it works for you.

In this episode, I’m starting with a conversation I had with my son on one of our long walks together right before he left for the army — about advice someone had given him and the pressure he felt to have followed it “better.” It got me thinking about all the advice I was given when my kids were little, why some of it made me feel worse instead of better, and how freaking often we do the exact same thing in our businesses.

We’re talking about why we’re so drawn to someone handing us a blueprint, the difference between learning from other people and copying the way they built their business, trends and pain-point marketing, and why all of this matters even MORE in a world where AI can create perfectly good, perfectly polished, perfectly same-sounding content in seconds.

Because you can learn the strategies. You can try the trends. You can listen to really smart people and take their advice. But at the end of the day, you still have to ask: Does this plug me back into myself or pull me further away?

And I’m also sharing a little about SEEN, my private 1:1 coaching package — three sessions together over six weeks where we work on exactly this: finding your words, your ideas, the way you want to show up, and creating a way of sharing and marketing your work that feels alive, connected, and actually like you.

To check out SEEN, Click here: https://www.tamarcoaching.com/seen

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hello guys, welcome back to Brave Little Things. I am finally back in the studio after I feel like I've lived like 12 lifetimes. Back from Portugal, back from completing and finishing off Unmute my 28-day visibility challenge with my first cohort, which was amazing. So many different things happening. And also, as well as I've just yesterday dropped my son off, my oldest, off to the army. Sent him off to the army yesterday. So I feel like I've like Lavily did leave, like live a million different lives all in a two-week span. But here we are back in the studio. I'm excited. And the studio, by the way, is hilarious. I'm calling it the studio. It's like my office room, which is tiny and cute and painted baby blue with little hippie bohemian style decorations. And that's my studio. So, anyways, welcome back, guys. So yeah, I did want to actually share a little bit about, you know, how I just said that my I just dropped my son off at the Army, which I am not gonna go too deep into because I will most likely lose it. And I don't really want to lose it here on the podcast today. It definitely was an insanely emotional, exhausting day yesterday. But I wanted to actually share a little a little story that happened before like two days before he left for the army. We go on these really beautiful, really gorgeous long walks together on the trails, on in the beach, like wherever we we want to go, we go. And so, you know, f a couple days before the army went for one of our long beach walks, and he was sharing with me a story, something that's not a story, something that his one of his friends had shared with him. He was he was saying to me that, you know, the year before high school and army, kids can go on like a gap year program and and do some different kind of learning and whatever it is. And so his friend, while he was in his gap year, when my s when my son was in his gap year, his friend who had been who was already in the army was like, listen, really appreciate that gap year. Really like take advantage because it will probably be your only time where you have real freedom, no responsibilities, your only time to learn and just really appreciate it. And so my son was saying to me, like, you know, with that advice that his friend gave him, that he's feeling like, ah, that he actually didn't appreciate it enough. And that he just like kind of regrets not appreciating it more as he kind of enters this new stage of going into the army and everything like that. And so this like, you know, this kind of triggered a little a thought in my brain when he was sharing this with me because it was kind of before he even went to the place of like, oh, you know, now I feel like I don't I I've been thinking about it and I feel like I didn't appreciate it. I kind of knew he was gonna go there. And I, you know, what I said to him was, listen, this is is can definitely be great advice for certain people, right? And maybe this was great advice for your friend. But I want to offer you something from my perspective, and you could decide if this sounds like something that would feel more helpful and useful or not, or parts of it or whatever it is. And I shared with him that this advice was given to me many times, this, you know, really appreciate what you have, a lot of times throughout my life, especially when my kids were little, when people would see me with like four little kids in a store on the beach or in a library or whatever it was, and so many like, you know, older people, why, sweet, loving people, like obviously it was not coming from a mean place, would come up and be like, Oh, they're adorable. These are so they're so sweet. Just appreciate this time because they're gonna grow up and they're gonna be out of the house, and that is it. And I always remember leaving those interactions with like, are you flipping kidding me? I'm already mothering these little people. I'm like chopping snacks and you know, packing park bags and changing diapers and all these kinds of things 24-7 already. Then on top of that, I have to appreciate it. Are you flipping kidding me? And I always felt like, come on, like I need another job. And so I shared that with him that I just like did not, did not jive with me, did not feel good. And I, it is my belief that we are kind of telling ourselves made-up stuff all the time. All day long, we're just telling stories to ourselves. And we might as well be telling stuff stories to ourselves that actually work for us and that make sense to us and that feel good and benefit us. And so I started really recognizing and telling myself, listen, there's no like need to appreciate a moment or an experience, because in everything that we do, it's gonna be really, really hard. And it's gonna be really, really wonderful. And that is true for every part of our lives. And I was going on to explain this to him and say, like, listen, like you don't have to like be focused on this moment to feel like it's really wonderful, because it's gonna be wonderful and hard every time. The same thing with the army. Like, it's gonna be really hard. Physically, it's gonna be really hard. You're gonna miss home, you're gonna miss my cooking, you're gonna miss, you know, hang out time with your friends. There's gonna be lots of things you're gonna be missing, but you're also going to be making like lifelong friends. You're gonna get your ass kicked in the best kind of way as well, and just grow and learn in ways you never would have been able to. And I went on and on, you know, and I was like, so it's gonna be wonderful, it's gonna be hard. And same thing when you go traveling, that, you know, right after Army's done, many of our kids, they go, they take off and they go for a year of traveling. I'm like, there's really, like, really hard things about traveling as well. And there's really wonderful things about it, and marriage and kids and so forth. And I was like, so you don't need to get caught up and really like need a bank, like, I gotta pay attention, I gotta feel really grateful, or else like it that moment is gone. No, you get to like have both. And so this whole person conversation was a really important one for me, for him, but also just like the notion of that, you know, people are people and they want to give advice, they want to lead the way, they want to guide, and that's gonna happen throughout our lives. However, it's really important for us to really filter everything through our perspective and our eyes and decide what is right and good for us and what is not. And this has very much everything to do with, you know, when we're out there in our businesses and we're marketing and we're doing all these kinds of things. There are so many coaches and mentors and guides and teachers who will tell you, like, this is the way it has to get done. This is this is what will work for you. I promise you, if you do this formula, this is how it will work. I was actually just, you know, even before hopping on this, you know, to record this episode, I was like, I'm like interested in kind of like upping my stories game. So I'm like like, you know, poking around on people who kind of, you know, that's their niche. And just seeing like one particular woman was like, you know, she was giving exam. She's like, what I the top five or seven things I do to ensure the most amount of story, you know, views and likes. And she was saying how she never uses video, how she never, you know, talks about the personal stuff, and she was just giving all the different kinds of things. And I remember closing being like, Yeah, okay, amazing. And she's like she's from her what she's sharing, it sounds like she's doing a great job. But I also know so many other coaches and people who get tons of views and you know, make a lot of money through just their stories, who are sharing videos all the time, who are sharing personal things all the time and doing all these kinds of things. And so it's just this idea, you know, that I was like, kind of sharing with my kid and I'm sharing with you guys now, now through the perspective for sure with life, but also through marketing and businessing, that whenever somebody, if or if anybody says to you, like, this is how to do this, this is how to, you know, get 10K followers, this is how to get, you know, 12 clients in the door in the next 24 hours, or however people like to kind of go there, you and they say this is how it's done. You know to run like hell. That's my perspective. And it's really why the way I coach, I is the the how I coach is how I coach, because I don't ever want to kind of hand you this blueprint or this here. Just go ahead and follow these instructions, like post five times on Facebook, three times in your stories, do it this kind of different kind of way, because the whole idea here is that like what my work is is not that. My work here is to plug you back into what is so exciting for you, what is so incredible for you. Like I had someone reach out to me who was like, I'm watching you and I'm loving seeing all the different kinds of things you're doing with Unmute and now scene, which is my one-on-one coaching package. I'm gonna leave details, by the way, at the end so you can check out more information about that. But it is a beautiful way to get really private, focused time. I kind of envision it as like my and your boardroom, just the two of us, where you get my total, full focus eyes, heart, brain on your business and really helping you come out more, tell the truth more, be seen more. So you'll get more details about that later. But anyway, so she was just like, I'm loving this, what you're doing, and you know, and so she so she signed up for scene because she's like, I want, you know, I want you to do that with me. And I was like, amazing. I'm like, and let just want to be clear, like what you're seeing in me is I think what you're attracted to is not obviously the specific offers that I'm offering, but you're seeing me plugged back into my magic and into my joy, and that's what I'm gonna help you do as well. Yours will look different, but I'm gonna help you do that, right? So I just kind of like felt like that, you know, this little interaction with my kid and seeing how, you know, someone else is like a very good friend of his perspective and advice, while it might be good advice for some people and for maybe the friend itself, wasn't necessarily good advice for my kid. It really kind of made him stressed out, made him panic, like shit. I did not do the kind of gratitude and appreciation that I should have. And now I'm going to the army, now I've lost it. And it's like, no, you haven't lost anything. It was wonderful, it was hard, it was yours, and now you're bringing that into your next stage. And we don't have to kind of chase anything like that. And it was like, this is exactly what's I think happening here in the marketing business world. Because, you know, guys, listen, it's our brains are literally wired for this. They're l wired to look around and assimilate. You know, what is everybody else doing? What does the tribe approve of or not approve of? And it's also like a freaking relief to be told what to do, right? Like I know so many people who want to, including myself, who just like want to be handed that like sheet of like what, you know, tell me what to do exactly. How well, you know, what colors should I be choosing in Canva, what fonts, what should I be saying, you know. That like feels good to us human beings because that is how we are wired. We aren't like when we see a blank canvas completely with nothing on it, our brain is automatically wired to like go into panic mode. The uncertainty, we don't like that shit. Figuring out we don't want to be doing that because our brains want to be like low efficiency. They don't not they want to like not work, right? They're like the lazy cat. That cat that like hangs out in your backyard, sleeps all day. That is our brain. And so many of us are seeking the mentors, the leaders, the teachers who are just gonna give it to us straight up. But then what happens is you end up building a business or a life that barely has you inside of it, which I know is ultimately not what we're wanting because we also will burn out from that. It won't be fun, it won't be what we're really wanting to do. And we're gonna be then starting up from the, you know, from ground, from ground zero all over again. And what I'm not saying, I want to be clear here, I'm not saying don't learn from people. And I'm not saying don't follow trends or try out different kinds of things, like if you are marketing, like trying out the it a talking head yapping video or trying out a carousel or learn certain kind of strategy and borrow things here and there. But I do want you to be just be experimenting with all of it, right? All of this is just like material, things that you can gather to see what does feel fun for you, what does feel exciting for you. Because this will plug you back into what feels right and how you want to grow your business from the inside out. And I'm telling you, no matter what, literally there are a million ways to do different kinds of things. I literally can think of like, I'm like kind of envisioning my own coaches and mentors and people who I know who are like incredibly successful, who with followers and money and all the kinds of things, all of them could not be more different in their personality, in how they business, and how they market, how they share, like so different. And I wanted this to be like a moment of relief, like, oh, I don't have to do it in a particular way. I can like really try things out. Like it's literally like going into a like a clothing, what's it called? Like a where you're trying clothes on. What is that called? You know, you're going in, you're trying it on, seeing, does this feel good? Does this look good on me? I'm not sure. And deciding for yourself what does. But there are definitely people who are going to, you know, push their like, I know how to do this, because again, that's what we like ultimately. That's like how we have been, you know, branded in our minds to just get the easy way out. And so people n people like know that. People work on that. They're like it most people are gonna just want to be handed the handbook. I'm gonna tell them, I'm gonna hand them the handbook. But the problem is that again, the handbook is not necessarily for you. So you wanna kinda be flipping through many people's handbooks and then putting together your own handbook made out of all different kinds of things that you've collected over your lifespan. Over what you've seen online, offline, right in real life, all the things. And, you know, I think AI we have AI in our lives now, right? And it's easier than ever to create, you know, quote unquote good content. Good hooks, good captions, good emails, good whatever. Which ultimately is just a copy paste, copy paste, copy paste. And people don't need more technical, correct sameness. But your way of seeing things matters more, not less now. It matters so much more because of that, because of this copy paste, copy paste. Your stories, your opinions, your connections, your personality, right? That's the whole point of entrepreneurship. That's in my opinion, the whole point of entrepreneurship so you can build something that nobody else has. Your own take on it, the way you do things. Right? See, one of the coolest parts of entrepreneurship is the creativity that we get to have. It's not just uh serving our clients in the way, which oftentimes, by the way, how we serve our clients is very creative, right? What you do, so many of my clients, I've got ceramicists and painters and coaches of all different kinds and acupuncturists, and you know, what we do, this is like, you know, sorry, I see I see my all my people as creatives, but then also you get to be creative with your business. I like to see my business as my own studio and I go in there and I get to create and it is a blank canvas. And yes, it is harder to to paint from a blank canvas than paint, you know, than paint from number I'm just thinking of like paint by numbers. You know how like they you in a coloring book we used to have where it's like the numbers and then you draw from one to two to three and then you have this picture? Yeah, that's easier, guys. But every kid in the country can buy that same coloring book and create the same picture over and over and over. But only you can open up a plank page, take out your own crayons, maybe some paints, maybe some other kinds of materials, and paint something completely brand new, completely fresh. And, you know, what what I'm looking for is not what's working right now or what does everybody say I should be doing. What I'm looking for is what plugs you back into you. What sets you on fire in the best kind of way? What kind of fun is contagious? Joy is contagious, all these kinds of things. When we are having fun in our businesses, you better believe that everybody else around us is gonna be having some fun and want to be joining in because fun and joy are so contagious. People are so in on that. They want to be part of it over and over and over. So really, guys, you know, just like the advice I give in my kid, and again, that's just my advice. What I gave to him, and I was very clear with him when I shared it, like, I'm gonna say something that's different than what your friend gave you, and this is no, and this is like this is my perspective. Maybe this would is something that would like, you know, feel better for you in your heart and your mind, and maybe not. So like take it or leave it, or take parts of it or leave it and everything like that. And that's kind of want to bring this perspective to the to the to the podcast today. Just because I think that we can get so we're so busy with life and going, going, going, and running, running, running, I want to slow you down for a minute and remind you that all these people that you listen to day in and day out on a podcast, including myself, on Instagram, in real life, all this kind of these leaders, these mentors, these teachers, they've got amazing things to offer. And they've also lived their own lives and they're building their own businesses. And your job is just to kind of collect what feels right for you and then really take it in, take in what is like what benefits you, what's gonna make you the more alive, better business person or parent or partner, or whatever part of life you're working on. So I just want to share a little bit of that, and I totally was didn't even cry when I was talking about my kid going to the army, which I'm very proud of because I've been I was crying all yesterday. So maybe I got it out there. But anyway, just a few thoughts for today, guys, and I've got more for you next week, so please come back. Check out scene, by the way, will be in the show notes if you want more details to come and do some private one-on-one coaching where you, me, and a blank canvas are sit between us so we can help create and plug you back into what fire do you bring to the world and let's learn how to bring it better. I love you guys. I'll see you next week.