Marketing as an introvert

Most people assume that because I coach, speak, host events and have a podcast, I must be an extrovert.

Nope.

I’m actually a proud introvert.

Or maybe more accurately… an outgoing introvert.

For years I judged myself because I needed more alone time than the people around me. I left gatherings early, protected my quiet time fiercely, and honestly wondered if something was wrong with me.

Then I started my business.

And suddenly my job wasn’t just coaching—it was also marketing, networking, introducing myself, selling my work and being visible.

I thought, “Well… this is going to be a problem.”

In this episode I’m sharing the stories that completely changed how I think about introversion, the mindset shifts that helped me stop seeing it as a weakness, and the practical ways I protect my energy while still growing a business I love.

If you’ve ever worried that you’re too quiet, too reserved or too introverted to build a successful business, I hope this episode feels like someone finally gave you permission to do it your way.

Because you don’t have to become louder.

You just have to become more you.

Check out SEEN: the coaching package made just for you.

https://www.tamarcoaching.com/seen

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey guys, welcome back, Brave Little Things in the House. And I'm Tamar Gersh, your hostess of this party. Hope you guys are doing well. How much are we loving summer, guys? How much are we loving summer? Just gonna say, I'm the kind of person that on day one of summer, I get sad that summer's almost over. So certainly now that we're like way deep into it, I'm definitely getting sad that summer's almost over. I love it. I love it for our kids who get off from school and get just to be out in the sun, outside, playing, hanging out, hanging with their friends. I love it for for us who when you take a break from work, you get to go if you're close to a beach or just have a coffee somewhere. It's just that's just freedom, just all about it. So I hope you guys are having a great summer over there. So we got some stuff to talk about today. We're talking a little about a little bit of introvert stuff, extrovert stuff, all the good stuff, and this is a really good topic. I've actually been wanting to talk about this topic for a while and just hadn't get it gotten to it, and now I'm like, bam, let's make this a podcast. Let's go. So, you know, as you guys know, I coach many entrepreneurs, you know, mostly about coming out of their small little cozy cave, which, you know, in human regul in modern terms is off their freaking couch, so they can go share their life's work and they can be seen and received and known so folks can come out and hire them for the amazing things that they are and what they do. So and this is something that I hear all the time. Nearly every introverted client, introverted, is it introvert or introverted? I'm not sure, but whoever it is walks who walks like through my doors, believes that they're at a major disadvantage because they tell themselves, marketing isn't for people like me, and networking drains me, and selling just feels awful. And if I have to constantly put myself out there, I'm gonna be absolutely miserable. And so forth, or so many other things like, you know, I love what I do, but this part is just so exhausting. I'm just not I'm an introvert, you know. I don't I don't like people, even though I'm working with people, right? And so I I really wanted to come on today to share my own story in the hopes that it helps every little introvert out there, because I think that you'll recognize yourself in me. Because the first thing I want to say is this guys, I'm an introvert. I know that you probably won't believe me, and you might be like, I know this is this isn't this just can't be. It's just she's not really an introvert. I call myself what's an outgoing introvert. That's what I call myself. But and I just want to say, I'm gonna talk to today about my experience as an introvert. And I know I've not done any research for this podcast on introvertism or whatever you would call that. I don't even know if there is, I mean, I'm sure there is a definition, there's a definition for everything, but I'm just talking about my experience, and that's what we're gonna go with. So don't don't kill me if you you know, if I don't get it perfectly or how how it is for you, but I will share that I can I consider myself an introvert. This is why. Because I define introvert and introversion. Again, guys, I'm sorry, I don't know what it's called. I think it's called introversion, introvertism, I don't know, whatever it is, is that my energy simply gets depleted by being around people. That's it. It's really simple. I mean, ironically, um when I'm with people, I'm often incredibly energetic. And like I can like literally can be the life of the party. Like if I walk in, people are just like, yeah, the party has arrived, and they're not wrong. Like I have a really good time. But the minute when it's over, I crash to the ground. It's like my battery is completely empty and depleted. No exceptions. And it's a very interesting thing, it's almost like being manic in that way, right? It's like this high, high, high and this low, low, low. And there are definitely exceptions to the rule, like if I'm coaching someone, you know, one-on-one or teaching a class with a bunch of people or things like that, then my energy will remain and be even be heightened or even like gain energy from that. But overall, when I am with people for a significant amount of time, I feel exhausted and depleted. And maybe you feel the same way, and maybe you're like, oh yeah, like that's me as well. And that's how I define it, really, to be an introvert is that's how I define it, where you, you know, where your energy is depleted as opposed to, I think for extroverts, when they're with people, that's their energy grows. So I'll give you some examples actually. And I think that as I started to like more identify as introvert, I started to like see the patterns that came up like over the years, like, oh, that's why I did this, and oh, that's why I did that. But you know, one thing I did, I always did actually. I had a boyfriend my whole college career long distance. We met the summer before college. So he he was a year older than me, and he would he went to Rhode Island School of Design, RISD, if you guys know it. G like the top art school in the country. I went to NYU, so we are four hours apart. Anyways, every time I went to go visit him, and I you know, we didn't seen each other forever. The first thing I had to do was take a nap. And it didn't have to be an hour, it had to like 20 minutes. I had to like shut down before I could like be in the world, before I could be in hit the his world and his world with his friends and all this stuff. I had to like go from like Greyhound bus, you know, total socializing. I would totally socialize on those buses. And before I entered the next, you know, the next social experience, I had to like completely shut down, which is like a funny thing. So it's like I hadn't seen the guy, you know, we're so excited to see each other, and I'm like, I have to take a nap before like anything else. So that's like something that that has come up for me, right? Also when it comes to Shabbat, right? So Shabbat Saturday, you know, it oftentimes, for those who aren't familiar with the day, it's oftentimes a time when we gather together with friends, we um have people over for meals, things like that. And a lot of people, because folks don't a lot of folks don't drive or use like electricity on Shabbat, they will sleep over at people's houses and we'll get lots of invitations to sleep over. Besides the fact that we literally don't have a room in my house, like every room is occupied, every corner, but I really don't I can't have it. I cannot have it. I am like all about having people for meals. I love it. I love making the beautiful food and serving and being with them and everything like that. But then I need them then to leave. I need them to eat the food, have the conversations, and then bye-bye, I'm gonna sleep in my own bed and you won't be here in the morning. It's just and I have to tell you, I've had so many judgments about myself about this, but I've really learned how to take care of myself when we get asked, you know, over and over about like sleeping over. And there's definitely times, and obviously my family, when I my parents come, of course, but I definitely see the difference between when I have social time and then very clear, you know, alone time, quiet time, downtime, as opposed to just ongoing 24 hours with people and you know, all those kinds of things. Another time, another experience. I'm just sharing lots of different experiences, guys, because I think that some of these will kind of poke out for you just so that more people can like you can anybody can identify with one of these maybe. I remember go a good friend of mine, I know I forgot which concert was. It was so fun. I had a girlfriend who bought tickets to concert and her husband couldn't go at the end. I think she ended up buying actually tickets for like her whole family, like her kids too, and they didn't want to go. Her husband couldn't go. So she gave me a ticket and then we invited like three other friends and we went and it was so freaking fun. It was so fun. And on the drive home, I was driving and I literally like had lost my voice. I was I was not screaming. I know you think like, oh, because you're on a concert, you're screaming. I'm telling you, I wasn't screaming, I was doing mostly dancing, and my voice, like I would lost my voice, and I just like completely had zero energy for that chat, chat, chat ride home, you know. And it was like so interesting. I was like, I just had the best time and these are amazing girls, like and these are an amazing concert, and yet I'm like done, like totally eh, over, over and out, right? Um, I'll give you one more example. When a young mom, when I was a young mom, my babies were like, I think at the time I had maybe I had three kids at the time, and my third was the same age as two of my good friends, and we were all like stay-at-home moms together. And so we would hang out. We would like really have the best times. We would like hang out in the gar each other's gardens and we make corn muffins together and we just, you know, would spend lots of time together. But at a certain point, I was done. Like I was ready to go home. And, you know, I used my my baby's ex, you know, nap schedule as an excuse, like, okay, so I, you know, we'd come hang out at nine. By 12, I was like, okay, you know, I'm gonna take her home now for a nap. And I was done. Meanwhile, the rest of the women would be hang out literally all day long and get up and do it again. And they just they could they wanted more and more and more and more. And I was like, those three hours are perfect. I love, I want to laugh with you, I want to hang out with you, and then I don't want to see you. I want to be in my own world, I want to put my baby down, and then I want to like chill out. And as I'm like saying this actually, like as I'm like even just recording this, I really am recognizing that maybe this whole time me believing that I was like protecting my baby's nap schedule, what was not as much as I was protecting my own nervous system. That actually hits. That makes a lot of freaking sense. Listen, that was actually very smart of me. I mean, whatever I had to use, right? I think at the time I just probably wasn't comfortable with, you know, creating boundaries and saying like I love you guys and I'm just done. And I just had to kind of create an excuse to kind of like get out of that. But anyways, listen, the bottom line is that it came up for me always. It's it's come up for me my whole life. And for years I really judged myself, and maybe you do too. Like, why can't I hang out as long as everyone else? Like, why do I need so much alone time and me time? And I honestly thought something was like really wrong with me. And it was like something I was very ashamed of. And I I would push myself. I would push myself to like hang out more and you know, be cool and do all those kinds of things, but it really depleted me. And I also suspected that other folks really judged me as well. Like I don't know for a fact, but I would imagine that those mom friends that I had, they probably thought that like I was a little cold, a little rude, I didn't like them as much. And the truth is I flippin' adored them. I love them. I just needed time with them and I needed time without them that they did not need. But I think that sometimes the introvert can come off as like a little bit cold and not interested and, you know, a little bit taken taken back because we are literally like we take ourselves back a bit because we need that. We need to fill ourselves up in different kinds of ways. And, you know, I remember when I became a coach. When I became a coach, and I was like, you know, I finished my certification. I was like, oh, oh my God, this is so it. I was like, I have found my career, let's go. I'm so good at this, you know, let's have fun. And then realizing that my job was not only like just coaching, it was about meeting people, talking to people, marketing, selling, sharing, being seen. And I was like, what the hell am I gonna do now? I am screwed. How do I get out of this? Right? It's like, I don't know if you guys have ever had this experience, but I like kind of like when you're pregnant and you're like, there's like a moment, at least for me, there is a moment in pregnancy where you're like, shit, can I get out of this somehow? I do not want to go through birth. Anyone out there have the same experience? So it's kind of like that. It's like I became a coach, I'm all in, and then shit, I now have to actually do like extrovertal extrovert things. That's what it felt like. I had to be like somebody else in order to do this. But I will tell you, and this is why I really want to make this podcast, because for myself, this is what changed. I myself, every coach I have hired, except for one, is an i is an introvert. And like every single one of them except for one, I'm just like thinking about all my different coaches right now, and like, yeah, that's true. And you would never know. Especially I'm thinking about one particular one, my my my very first coach and who certified me. She is like the most bubbly human imaginable. Like absolutely bub bubbly bubbly. In fact, her thing has always been, like when you know, we're coaches, so we share like openly our stuff, you know, and her thing has always been like, am I gonna be too much for people? People think I'm too much. Like she's that kind of bubbly. But she is an introvert and she shared that. And she shared that like when she runs huge events, she comes on stage only after everyone is already seated in the audience, and she leaves before everyone else does, so that she could avoid the selfie pictures and the small conversations and all those kinds of things. And she does that to protect herself because you know she's she could be running like a three-day event and she needs her energy protected in order to be able to do those kinds of things. And I just remember when she shared that, I'm like, what? You're a millionaire. Like fifty times over, she's got m she's made made lots of money. But like the bubbly person on the planet runs crazy events, you know, is coaching people nonstop, and you consider yourself an introvert. This is fascinating. And it kind of really opened up, like, okay, wait, maybe I could do this. Maybe like being, you know, in a profession that's all about the people, but feeling like sometimes I need a break from the people, I can do that. I can have a break from the people and be running a successful business. This is so interesting. And it really made me stop judging myself. And truly the judgment that I had for so long was replaced with compassion and really like almost like a little like a little I like I had just gotten to know, you know, when you like in a relationship with somebody, maybe it's new, and you learn something new about them, and you're like, that is so sweet and that is so cute. That's kind of how I felt about myself in that moment when she like shared with us that she's a total introvert and this is what she does to protect her energy and all these kinds of things. You know, because listen, the this is it, like running a business, you you think with the Instagram stuff and all those things, you think it's like a popularity contest. It is not. It doesn't require becoming someone you're not, and in fact, the opposite. And in fact, this is why I became an entrepreneur to begin with. I saw all these other jobs out there that made you you had to be somebody else to be there. Where entrepreneurship is asking you, not only do you not have to be somebody else you are not, but you must be yourself even more and more and more. Right? And finding your own way to connect matters far more than pretending to be someone else. And so I love that. That really kind of liberated me in knowing that like top-notch, amazing, you know, coaches that I look up to also are introverts and get depleted when they're around people too much. And so, you know, listen, this is what I do. I want to give you guys a couple tips for those introverts also out there. This is what I do for myself, because I because protecting your energy is number one. You gotta do that for yourself. And so, okay, let me give you an example. Like my national, when I was running my national networking dance party back in May, someone had asked if I could give them a ride to the event. And I said no. I said no. Like I said no, because I need knew I knew that I needed that quiet time in the car before to get myself ready. And then actually after the event was over, someone asked also for a ride home. And I said no. I said, There's a lot of people, but you can definitely find somebody else. I just feel like I need this like downtime before I then come back and do like I just ran an event for fifty-five women, you know, for a three hour event. And then I d and then I'm gonna be literally getting in the car to go back into my family world. Like my kids are gonna all be home and it's gonna be lunchtime and I knew I needed that time. And so I got very good at saying no when it didn't work. And I'll give, you know, I'll be happy to give ex you know, share why I'm saying no, you know, with them of the people who ask lunch is like, No, bitch, sorry. Right? I tell them why. Or sometimes I don't, but I obviously don't do it in a rude kind of way, but I protect my space. Another thing I do is I make sure to schedule my naps around this time. So I know you know you guys know I nap, but I make sure, like, you know, sometimes when I have to miss a nap, but in these kinds of situations when I'm like social, social, social, I will make sure that I take a nap, you know, afterwards. Just again, it's not even a nap, it's rest time. Sometimes I don't sleep. It's just like me being in a quiet room, eyes closed, and just like being with myself for a moment. You know, and I do this actually for networking events, whether I run the event or even just when I attend the event. Right? I know a lot of people feel this kind of way when they're going to a networking event, it could be very like a a huge overload on the system. Sometimes what I also will do, um, which is very helpful, is that if I'm going to something, it could be a party or a networking event or anything that's again social, I will leave early or I will arrive late. I will basically just say like I'm just gonna give myself a shorter period of time than everybody else there, and I'm okay with that. Right? I think it's really important because protecting your energy doesn't just help me, it helps me really be the best coach I possibly can and be the best and be the best hostess and be the best friend and be the best partner that I possibly can because I'm taking care of myself. And therefore, then I'm able to take care of other people and just be in the world in a different kind of way. I know that when I was like judging myself and I was trying to get around it, and I was trying to push myself to be, you know, be in the social scenes more, I was like a hot mess. You did not want to be around me. I was a weirdo, like I was just super weird. I would become even weirder, right? I would just like say strange things, try to like party harder uh to show that I was really fun, but like who wants to hang out with that? But once I started to like actually take care of my boundaries around that and be intentional, everything, everything changed. Like everything changed. And I want to say this is another thing. Besides the protection, besides the actions you can take in terms of like scheduling nap time and choosing to say no to certain things and coming, you know, late and leaving early and things like that, a huge part is absolutely mindset. You know, for so long I was judging this this thing of mine, this introvertism that I had. But I realized how it is not a flaw at all. In fact, I want to say it, I want to let you know actually, 'cause I this I d actually did look up. Sixty two point five percent of humans in this world consider themselves an introvert. That is way half of the human beings in this world. And because of that, and I coach a lot of people, me being an introvert allows me to understand my people even better. Understand what it takes to be an introvert and then also be somebody who's running a business and talking to people all day and being with them and you know, having this human connection. Like now I understand it, not just from a study perspective, but an actual human perspective. It makes me a better coach. Right. Also, me being an introvert cr allows me to create or or maybe forces me more to create these quiet inner, you know, alone time. My walking and my thinking and my reflecting. And what happens is I create, like my best ideas come from that downtime, that introvert time, I guess you would call it. That time when I need just to be on my own. It they like all of my best ideas come from that time. And if I wasn't, if I'm just an extrovert, I need to be with people. I mean, maybe, listen, maybe we could say that introvert extroverts, their best ideas come from when they're around people and all that kind of stuff. But I just know, I just feel kind of grateful that me being an introvert help pushes me to create more reflective time. Because maybe I wouldn't do that. And it it really it like it allows me to feel calmer and more thoughtful, which I really think is a is a benefit to myself. And so then the mindset switch of thinking that this was uh something was wrong with me, some this is something I should be ashamed of. Why can't I hang out with people continuously like everybody else, to recognizing, well, thank thankful, like thankful that I have this, because it creates a different part of my life that I want to have. Right? Listen, I want to say something about like, you know, marketing and business and all those things that you know, all marketing works. It really does, as long as this piece comes into effect, as long as when you are congruent with who you actually are. And that's also true for. friendships, right? As long as you're congruent with who you actually are, it works. And some days I show up loud like all hip hop music, what's up, homies? You know? And other days I'm quiet and I'm thoughtful, almost monk like. And both are very me and both work. And I just follow what feels right for me in the moment. And that's usually what happens. So you know, when I'm marketing, I am not trying to become everyone's friend. This was a huge shift for me also. Because it bec it was very overwhelming to me to think that what I'm doing, right? Because I'm trying to be very personable. I'm trying to really get people, allow people to know me and and I'm thinking I'm a I I think my personality is a bit of a girl next door kind of thing. And when I was like in this place of like my God like I'm am I trying to be everyone's friend that feels really stressful. And then realizing no I'm not trying to become everyone's friend. I'm trying to offer value. That's my job. My job is to help offer value in little bits every single day and allow people to have a 1% shift in their own lives that day. That's my job. Now I will say that many of my clients absolutely become friends later on. But when someone first needs me I don't need to impress them. I just need to help them. That's all they want and that majorly takes the pressure off. So I just want to say like you do not have to become an extrovert and become loud or social or outgoing. Like you don't have to do all those kinds of things. You can be brilliant and make amazing money and build amazing relationships and enjoy marketing. Can you imagine enjoy marketing and stay completely your introvert self in fact again it's I think so many people like really like I, you know, I do talk I talk about this when people were like how, you know, I'm I'm feeling like shit today. Like how am I supposed to like you know get up and share what my new offer I only have two days left to my lot my my launch is over but I don't feel great. It's like great I oh you know my my my coaching's always amazing. Be exactly there. People do not need to hear a bubbly let's go this is going to be amazing yay yay yay you know kind of message. They need to hear the message that you've got happening right side which is like lower energy. It's more maybe grounded even and it's a little bit like life is life is intense. Life is many things. Share that right you know listen I also want to say that there are so many like I mentioned to you about 62.5% of folks are considered themselves introverts in the world. And I like to think about the quote unquote famous people when we're thinking about different kinds of things like this because it helps, you know, kind of like oh okay they are also so I just want to name a couple of them okay Michelle Obama has talked about being an introvert on a few different podcasts that I listened to which I thought was really interesting. She was spoke a lot about how she like majorly needed downtime like especially when she was in the White House. How she needed like closed doors, no servants coming in, just time to herself. Taylor Swift, same thing. Mark Zuckerberg, same thing. They are so many examples. So we can like stop telling the story that, you know, I'm too introverted you know that that basically what does it do? It just keeps us from connecting to our people and feeling like we need to be a vers a certain version in order for them to understand us and know us. No, we do not they just need the real you. That's all they need. So I hope that this helped you I hope that all my introvert peeps out there totally even see. Like I want you to like think about after you are done with this podcast like how is being an introvert actually benefit me? And how can it benefit me in the future and really start to create a real relationship with your intro again, introvertism guys, what is it? Whatever it is so that it can work for you and not against you because guys let's not keep ourselves from our people and helping people and connecting and selling to people and you know bringing our business in the world because we think that we're too shy or I don't know and just take too much energy. Let's throw that in the trash and let's move forward. And I just want to say if you're actually ready to do this work and to become more visible without becoming someone else I got the thing for you if you haven't heard about it yet it is called scene it is called scene. It's my three private coaching session package designed to help entrepreneurs just stop hiding and start showing up and become someone that their future clients are all about. It is a three week pack it's a three week session under a six week package. So we kind of you know do every other we could spread out the the sessions and I'll give all the details in the show notes so you can look it up and learn about it but I'd love to have you in it. Besides that guys, I love you all and I just want to wish you a beautiful summer and a beautiful day. Go jump into some refreshing pool of water and wherever you are. Love you guys.