Why Your Audience Doesn't Get You (Yet)

You can have an incredible offer, years of experience, and a genuine desire to help people…and still struggle to get your message to land.

In this episode, I share one of the most unforgettable lessons I’ve ever learned—from a guy named Mike, a group of teenagers, and two words written on his eyelids. (Trust me…there’s a point. )

We talk about why so many entrepreneurs accidentally speak in their language instead of their clients’, how that shows up everywhere from content to workshop titles to networking conversations, and why becoming a better listener might be the best marketing strategy you’ll ever learn.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:
• Why people aren’t always hearing what you’re trying to say
• The difference between speaking at people and speaking to them
• A simple exercise to help you find your natural voice
• How to learn the actual words your ideal clients are already using
• Why listening is one of the most underrated business skills there is

If you’ve ever thought, “I know I’m good at what I do…so why isn’t it landing?” this one’s for you.

Want personalized help finding your voice, clarifying your message, and creating a business that feels more like you? 

Check out my new 3-session coaching package, SEEN. Designed it with you in mind:

https://www.tamarcoaching.com/seen

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Welcome back to Brave Little Things. I'm your hostess, Tamar Gersh. Welcome back to the show. So glad you guys keep on coming back. You just can't escape those brave little things, huh guys? Can't escape the growth. I get ya. You are my people, that is why. Anyways, before we jump into this episode, I just want to remind you guys about my new offer, Scene. S-E-E-N. It's a good one. But Scene is a very special package that I put together. It is a, I'll just tell you little details real fast. I don't think I shared it with you last episode, but it's a three-session private package, one-on-one package for you, used in the span of six weeks, so that we have time and space between sessions. You will receive support as well during those in-between weeks. So it's kind of like as if it's a six-week package, but three private sessions. And it really is just going to be about the heart of honestly entrepreneurship, because so many of us miss the step of learning how to receive being seen and to allow our people, our clients, our future clients to see us and get to know us. And I think most of you like to kind of skip over that, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you need to get clients, but like this is how you do it. So we really spent the, you know, the time together going into all the different kinds of things that have kind of been stopping you naturally, and then really getting clear and and strategic about how to move forward, how to create content, how to show up online and offline as your real self so people can really get to know you. And it's a lot of fun. So I'll drop show notes information so you can reach out to me personally also to ask info and scene. I want to see you there and scene. You like that, guys? Anyway, I have a really fun story today to share with you guys, a really funny and fun story that goes along with our episode today. It's kind of it kind of inspired the episode, to be honest. I think I even wrote an email about this as well. So if you're on my email list, you might have heard it. But I'll share it again. Back in my college days, I well, I went to NYU and my boyfriend at the time went to RISD, which is the art school in Providence, Rhode Island. So I spent a lot of time, not only in New York City, but also in Providence, Providence, Rhode Island, which I loved. And we spent a lot of summers living in Providence. And I, when I spent the summers there, I would I was working at the Audubon Society there. Right? It's called Audubon Society, yeah. It's like the nature center there, an incredible one in Sherry, Massachusetts. If you know of this area, you will be like, whoa, that place is amazing. It is. And I would lead outdoor adventure trips for like seventh, eighth, and ninth graders there. And when I worked there, I had a co-leader whose name was Mike. And everyone knows a good Mike, right? I'm just like even smiling at ear to ear just saying his name. But anyways, Mike was from Boston. And I will not even try to do a Boston accent for you guys. It will be ridiculous. I wish I could, because they're so hilarious, but I won't try it. But he had the thickest box Boston accent you ever heard. And he had this like, you know, Boston kind of sense of humor. Again, I can't even describe it to you, but I think you know what I'm talking about. He always had like a Boston cream donut in one hand and a hot Dunkin' Donuts coffee in the other hand. And he was probably like twice my age. He had already lived 10 different lives before I even met the guy. You guys know what I'm talking about, right? I mean, he had Boston written all over them. So one day we had lots of chats, lots of he really taught me so much. He was like a wise owl. And one day we were sitting and talking, and he started telling me about one of his earlier jobs before he started working for Audubon Society. He worked for what's it called? Out I'm now again, this is like I think this is old age. I'm like there's certain words that just like slip outward bound or inward bound. I think it's outward bound. He worked for outward bound, you know that it's a very famous outdoor education, you know, center. Anyway, so he at in outward bound, he worked with what he called, you know, hard kids. These are teenagers coming out of Juvie, kids who had been bounced around from system to system, kids who literally trusted nobody. And he said that his first year there, these kids would kick his ass. Like not literally, but that anything he tried, nothing worked on them. And he was a pretty tough dude, you know, and maybe, maybe he wasn't back then, and that's what actually made him tough. Because when I was talking to him, I'm like, what? These kids kicked your ass. I can't even imagine. But everything he tried, nothing worked. He tried, you know, teaching them survivors survival skills and they completely ignored him. These are like inner city kids coming out into the woods, you know. He tried talking and they talk right over him. He tried, you know, getting their attention, nada. Like these kids were like, yeah, like if you guys, if there's any teachers listening to this, you probably like can totally hear that. And then put that on top of like, you know, inner city kids who are city kids who are now in the w wilderness with some random dude, not a good combination. So, anyways, he goes on to share that one day he got this completely ridiculous idea. They're out in the woods, he's doing his thing, he's trying to get their attention, it's not working. And he grabs a Sharpie marker and writes, fuck on one eyelid and you on the other. And the next time these, you know, he needs to kind of gather in these kids and speak to them. He decides he's not gonna yell. He's not gonna lecture, he's not gonna threaten anybody, he's just going to sit down right in the middle of the circle. He's gonna look right at them, and then very, very slowly he's going to close his eyes. And when he did that, the kids absolutely lost it. They couldn't stop laughing. They were dying. They crowded around him and like really for the first time he said that they actually like connected to him. They actually listened. They weren't as scared of him or even shocked, but they were like, Okay, dude, okay, all right, I'm here. You can I I'll listen to you now. Right? He had this like connection, he spoke their language, right? I have to tell you, I've thought about this story for like, I think he told me this is like twenty-five years ago, I guess. And I think about the story all the time, and especially as an entrepreneur, because I think it teaches us so much about speaking to our people, right? Because what happened here is that Mike stopped asking, how do I get them to listen to me? How do I get them to listen to me? And start asking, what language can they actually hear? Right? That is like something that I think that we all need to hear because I think a lot of us, we're out here, we're on the social media streets, we're all we're in person as well at networking events, and we're talking to people, and we're trying to create customers and clients in our businesses, and we're wondering, like, am I invisible? Like, why is anyone not like, you know, liking or commenting on the post? Why isn't anybody like starring my podcast? Why isn't anybody, why am I not getting follow-ups after networking events? And really, what do you start at what we need to be asking is like, wait, what language can I speak that my people can hear? And the reason why this is also so powerful is because it brings it back into our power, right? There's so much we cannot control in entrepreneurship and building businesses, but this, this we can control, right? How we can help strengthen our language and our ability and our communication with our people so they can hear us. How can we meet them in the place that they need to be met? I think that is one of the biggest lessons I've ever learned about business, honestly, because I see so many incredible entrepreneurs doing this opposite thing that we're just that I'm talking about, right? We try so hard to sound really smart and professional and insightful and you know, giving over, you know, the best kind of talk we can give, like literally like as a TED talk, oftentimes. And the person on the other side who's receiving it, or probably like freaking in line at like a Trader Joe's just trying to like check out, right? Or like a Target or picking up their kid or waiting for them in line or whatever, and they're like not wanting to hear this very professional, stuffy kind of thing, right? They're wanting to hear your heart. Like you're the real you. And oftentimes we're not giving that over. We create workshops, like workshop titles that make perfect sense to us. We're like, oh my God, that is the best workshop title ever. But our people have absolutely no idea what the hell it means and what the hell they would get from this workshop. Right? We explain like our methodology instead of describing the problem someone is like lying awake with thinking about two, three, four in the morning. And we make offers that also sound really beautiful, but don't actually answer the question our people are asking. How much is this true for you guys?

unknown 9:47

Right?

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Even the way we introduce ourselves, wherever, in person, the language we never actually use if someone sat next to us on a plane and it's like, oh, so what do you do? And then all of a sudden we be we go from like this normal person who's on the plane heading to Greece for a fun vacation to like all this professional. Well, I am insightful to the, you know, da-da-da-da, like we just give over this like very professional, you know, kind of thing. Right. Most likely we're speaking our industry's language instead of our people's language. And those are very different things, guys. You know, I was I I actually kind of re I wish I remembered. I wish I could show you guys reels on podcasts, but I was watching a reel the other day and it was h I was l crying. I was crying, it was so funny because it was basically titled like when a spiritual entrepreneur is speak is inviting people into their workshop. And then the the reel is basically this guy who's like super elusive, like aloof, like using all the different languages. It makes no sense, but he's saying a lot of things. I have to say, I just hear this so often. Like, you come to my you know, workshop retreat in, you know, Tuesday the third, where we will get connected into our rooted selves and make sure that your heart is aligned with your, you know, and going on and on and on and like that we'll use breath work as well as, you know, it's just like on and on. And I was just cracking up because it's like we s how many of us do that, and people are like, I don't know what they do. I have no idea. Like a can in a confused mind, guys, a confused mind is not gonna try to figure it out. A confused mind is going to move along to what is not confused because our brain's job is to be efficient. And if it doesn't understand what you are splurting out, it is not gonna take the time to figure it out and be like, I don't understand, and then move on. So that's what this is what this is why this is so important, right? So yeah, so that roll just cracked me up. But listen, one of my favorite exercises that I do, I call the two voice test. And what it is is the following. I open up a WhatsApp. I have a WhatsApp group with myself, so that's number one. Step one, if you don't have one, you should. I open up a little WhatsApp group for yourself, and then you want to go to your WhatsApp, and you're gonna pick one thing you want to share. It doesn't even be about business, it can be about anything, especially when you're just trying this out. And then first explain it as you're presenting to a room full of people in your industry. Okay. And then I want you now to go back and leave another message explaining the exact same thing as if you're texting your best friend from the beach because you're so excited about something and you've got to tell her and you got all the details and da-da-da-da-da. Okay? And then I want you to listen back to them both. Or if you wrote them to read them both both back, but listen to them is fine also. You want to ask yourself which one sounds like me? Which one feels alive? Which one makes, you know, you think, yeah, that's me. Like that works. I do this test all the time, by the way, guys, especially if it's like a new offer I'm working on or something, and I'm like, want to see how it sounds. That two voice test like helps every time. It's like, oh, right, here I'm going into coach, because you do, we put on these voices, even with me and this podcast, right? It's like I'm not completely like there's a little bit of a performance happening here because I'm, you know, don't see your faces. I'm speaking to my laptop into this microphone in by in a room by myself, and uh there's a little bit of a difference of a voice, right? But if I were to be practicing this, it would be really different. Let me see if I can even try it right now. Okay, let's say I am going to be in performance mode, okay? And I'll just teach you a little something. Let me think. I'm just top of mind. I'm just gonna think of like my trip to Portugal that's happening. Okay. So I think that we will fly to Portugal. It would take about seven hours and 33 minutes. And I think that I will then probably book the activities beforehand because my children will want to know exactly what they're doing. Okay, that's performative, maybe. I don't know, maybe that's performative and top of performative. And then this is just me. Guys, I'm so excited. I am going to Portugal, taking my family. I got some amazing activities happening. There is paragliding, there is surfing, there is something called coastering. I don't know what that is exactly, but apparently it's pretty famous in Portugal. Actually, I do know it is because I did it when I was in the Zors with my daughter. I keep on forgetting that. See the difference? Very different. So I want you to try that out when you are like, you know, in the midst of creating something new so you can practice what it feels like to speak to a real person. Okay? Because what happens is that we just try to go into this like AI overthinking process and we don't want to do that, right? We don't want to do that at all. So if you're starting off, also, I want to tell you that another way to practice, because oftentimes again, we're like we are just not in our in uh we are not exposed to our people enough, right? Especially in the beginning of a business when we don't have enough clients or customers coming through the door and not having enough conversations, we want to create that, right? Even like we have to kind of make it happen instead of it just kind of happening. So this is what I was kind of talking about. So, you know, basically ways we can do that to create contact and connections with our people and our future people is offering a few free things, right? A few free sessions, you know, because those conversations will be absolute gold. We can run free workshops or host a challenge. We can hang out in Facebook groups where your people already are, or most likely your people are, and just to listen in to what questions they ask, what responses they like, what comments they make. That is a beautiful place, by the way, guys, to really practice this and and research this. And notice, you know, we want to just notice people. We want to pay attention to see what naturally happens. How do they describe the problem? What frustrates them? What have they already tried but didn't work? What are they secretly hoping for? Their words said in their way, because your people are already hanging ha handing you the words, already being like, they have the words and they are willing to hand them to you. And we only have one job and one job only, which is to listen. To listen in. I think that entrepreneurs who create the deepest connection aren't necessarily the smartest marketers, they're just the best listeners. And once you've really listened, your content gets easier and your workshop titles get easier and your offers become clear and your website becomes clear and the way you introduce yourself at a network event even becomes easier. Because you're finally speaking to someone. And we're not speaking to someone. So here is something I'd love for you to try this week, okay? And the next time you're creating anything, even if it's just one post or it's an offer, a workshop, or a podcast title, or whatever it is, before you hit publish and send it out to the world, you want to ask yourself, am I saying this in the way I would naturally say it, or am I saying it the way my people are actually able to hear it? Because they're not the same. They're not the same. And I'll tell you, from my own experience, when even with just the creation of unmute, you know, that my my women are on right now, this is the 28-day business challenge that is just on the tail end is almost completing. I can't believe it. Actually, the time of this recording goes live, it may might have actually been done. And yeah, it it will be. But the amount of one-on-one conversations I had before this, you know, because people had questions about the challenge before they signed up, I had so many and I learned so much. It was brilliant, and it was able for me to strengthen the challenge itself and then at and since I've been since then I've made the most incredible content, if I say so myself, that speak to my people where I'm not speaking at them, but I'm speaking to them with them. It changes everything significantly. So listen to this podcast again if you have to. If you're like in this place where you're like, I feel like I'm speaking to the void, nobody is hearing me. Just know it's not that nobody's hearing you. It's that you are not listening to them enough. All right, guys. So again, just a quick reminder about scene, about my offer, my new offer, scene. Beautiful way to really work on everything that we're doing here on the podcast, taking all this work that we're studying together and taking it even deeper and not just studying it, but actually applying it to our life and our business. It is such a beautiful offering and opening, and I really hope that you guys take me up on it and ask for more information and get in so that you can get the assistance and the support that you need in your businesses. All right, guys, I love y'all so much. Have a beautiful day. I will see you next time.