One Lie You Tell Yourself that Keeps You Stuck

In this episode, I unpack one very convincing lie our brains love to tell us: that failure is the worst-case scenario.

It sounds logical. Responsible. Mature.

But when you really look at it, it’s the exact belief that keeps so many of us stuck.

We’re talking about fear of failure, decision-making, and the mindset blocks that show up when you’re building a business, starting something new, raising your prices, launching a project, investing in coaching, or making any brave move in your life.

I share why I believe failure is actually the second-best outcome — because at least it’s movement — and how not trying at all might be the real worst-case scenario.

If you’ve been stuck in overthinking, waiting until you feel more confident, or telling yourself “I’ll do it when I’m more ready,” this episode will help you reframe what’s actually at risk.

Because growth, confidence, and clarity don’t come from thinking about doing the thing.

They come from doing it — even when it might not work perfectly the first time.

To sign up for a free 1:1 Coaching Consult:

www.tamarcoaching.com/consult 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. Fun to have you here. You know, I I was actually supposed to record this podcast a couple days ago in my little schedule, and I just didn't want to. I just really didn't want to. I was like hormonal. I was emotional. There's just all these different things happening. I was really considering pushing myself through it, which sometimes I do, but I was really, I had just finished writing an email to my people. Are you guys on the email list, by the way? That's a whole different experience if you're not. The podcast is amazing. Instagram amazing and fun. The newsletter is so, so just different vibe, and I just love it. But anyways, I just had to send out an email. I forgot the title, but it was basically like, you don't have to. Like, don't do it if you don't want to, kind of thing. Which of course we do many things as entrepreneurs, as human beings, as adults, and that we don't always want to do. But the the idea was like, you know, really getting more in touch with like those moments when we think we have to, we think we should, and then recognizing that you don't have to. And I think that that comes with a lot of self-trust. I think I've built a lot of self-trust with myself over the years. And so, anyways, that moment came and I was like, I really don't want to record this podcast right now, which is uh also very unusual because I'm like love sitting here and chatting with you guys. The whole podcast process I've fallen in love with. Anyway, so after sitting send on that email, and then the next thing was going to be recording the podcast, I was like, Oh, but I don't want to. So I went to the beach instead, and it was glorious. Anyways, but here we are now. And so the piece with the reason why I wanted to tell you that I forgot was because so what happens though is when you do push things off from your schedule, which is totally cool and works, is that you then might have to do it in a less convenient time. Like all of my kids are home now, they all just got back, the house is a little bit louder, I'm feeling a little stressed, I haven't eaten yet, I'm gonna eat soon. So, anyway, it's all good. Here we are. Let's jump in, shall we? All right, so last week we talked about regret. If you recall, if you haven't heard that podcast, you can go back and it's a whole podcast on like you know, those moments when we really regret decisions we've made or decision decisions we haven't made. But that podcast was about after the decision, after something didn't go how you hoped, and after you're sitting there thinking, should I have done that differently? I don't know. And we talked about, you know, not turning your past self into this awful villain and just like, you know, screaming at yourself basically, and really about the context and about the fact that you made the best call you possibly could with who you were, what information you had, with all that stuff. You know, so that was all about the after. But this week I want to talk to you about the before. Because there's this moment right before you do something where your brain says something that sounds very like, I don't know, reasonable maybe. Well, what if this fails? That would be the worst case scenario, and I just don't think that's true, guys. Because let's actually slow this down and make some clarity here. Best case scenario when you go for something. What's the best case scenario when you just go for something? Well, then it works. That you succeed. It exceeds. Like everything that you imagine, it happened. Like amazing, amazing. Second best case scenario, it doesn't go how you planned. You learn it's harder than you thought, you realize that you don't actually want it. Oops. You see like all the different gaps in your skill set that you don't like have the skills exactly of what you're needing, and you discover that what you didn't know, you didn't know. Like that's you know, it's like, oh sh like I shit, I I I didn't even know I need to knew know this, but and I don't know this, and what do I do? All right, that's what we call, you know, quote unquote failure. But I gotta tell you, that's also still movement. That's still success, that's still data. Like everything that I spoke about in last week's podcast, we spoke a lot about this with regret of how we can really see and recognize that we do something, it doesn't go the way we want it, we still can very much understand that we've learning from that, and that's movement. You're not the same person you were before you tried that. That's what we need to know. But the actual, actual worst case scenario here is you don't try. You stay exactly where you are. Yeah, I know. Because if we're honest, that one stings a lot. That idea of like the worst case scenario actually being us not even trying and going for it. Because when you don't try, you don't move. There's not even a possibility there. There's this concept about learning new skills. And I love this because I think it's very humbling, and it also is just really nice always to have some kind of process to kind of like break it down in our human brains to make things a little simpler. You know, so the idea is that first you're unconsciously incompetent. I love the way that's phrased. You don't know what you don't know. You're kind of like, you know, in this like blissfully unaware stage, right? And then you try. And suddenly you're consciously incompetent. And that feels terrible because now you see how much you don't know, and that feels crappy, guys. You see how many moving parts there are, you see how you know clunky it can be when you're trying and you don't really know what you're doing. You see how far you have to go. It takes so much effort. And most people, guys, stop right there. They're like, peace the freak out. I am not down for this. Because it feels really exposing. Well, like I suck. Like, hello world, look at me, I suck. You want to see? But you have to know that that is such major progress, that is such bravery and courage. And it means that you're moving towards something. After that stage, though, comes the consciously competent. You can do it, but it also takes a lot of freaking effort. Your brain has to really catch up, it has to like really be there with you. You're thinking about every step, every move, and eventually, if you stay in it long enough, you become unconsciously competent. It becomes more natural. You don't have to think about every step the way you did. And it becomes just who you are. But you cannot get there without going through those that awkward middle that most people want to avoid like any like with other everything. Like, please, I anything but that, right? They're all like, yes, I want this and I want that, and I want to dream like this, and I want to do this, but they're not willing to do the actual things, which is that messy part in order to get there, in order to get to that last stage of being consciously competent, right? So you can't skip it. And, you know, this kind of all came up, this whole idea truly, about, you know, you know, it's something I talk about with my clients all the time in terms of worst case scenario, best case scenario, but I was leaving my Global Beats dance class the other night. And it's been so fun, you guys, by the way. I'm just like so immersed in dance right now. It's I'm loving it. Anyways, leaving the class, and I ran into someone who had been messaging me about that the success series. Remember the success series that I was talking about in last episode and just was talking about in general the month of January had offered a special pop-up offer or three session package. Anyway, she'd been messaging me back and forth and you know, asking me questions and all those kinds of things. And we just kind of caught each other. She was walking in, I was walking out, and she's like, you know, just kind of looked at me because she still had not made a decision, and she's like, I just don't know. I'm having a really hard time, really hard time deciding. And, you know, I said something to her, like it was like this in on the go moment, coaching moment, like literally lasted for like a couple seconds because she was going into a class. And I said, you know, the worst case scenario, by the way, isn't that you join, but you're like, you know, they sign up for this package and it's not perfect and you don't get exactly what you're wanting. Because PS, that's it, that's what that's what's holding you back, if if I had to guess. Because the real worst case scenario here is staying exactly where you are, being someone who doesn't sign up for these kinds of things and takes a chance on themselves. Being stuck in this, you know, frustration and the loops and the thinking about and the wondering about it and not feeling as confident as you want to. That actually is the worst case scenario. And FYI, you're in it right now. Right? That's what you're really afraid of. Not this huge disaster, right? She's afraid of feeling something if it didn't go the way she imagined. And that's the part I think that we confuse things. That's the part that I'm talking about when I say like the one lie that you tell yourself. Because it really is a lie, right? Like if I, you know, the worst case scenario is going to be if it doesn't go well. It's actually not true. When I'm coaching someone who says, I'm scared it won't work, I'll always ask, well, what does won't work mean? Like, spell it out for me, tell me, lay it on the table, and we'll keep on going until we get to the real thing. I feel embarrassed, I feel disappointed, I feel exposed, I feel like maybe I'm not as capable as I thought. You know, I'm like, all right, okay, all right, that's that's getting to the deeper part of it, right? That's uncomfortable. However, however, is it like catastrophic? Are you gonna like actually physically kneel over and die? Like, oh maybe I'll always be a little bit more dramatic so they get they get the idea, right? Because like those are the different categories. Our brain upgrades discomfort into danger in a second, right? It labels that a worst case scenario, don't do it, right? But they'll immediately understand and be like, okay, yeah, I know, I get it. Like it's not death, though it sometimes feels like that. Right? But most of the time, the worst case scenario is just you try, it doesn't go perfectly. You feel something, you learn something, you adjust, and that's it. And that's not awful, that is not catastrophic. And this is where this builds on the regret episode of last week, right? That's different, that that builds on it, it's not the same thing, but last week was all about, you know, you can survive looking back at your decisions. You don't have to get stuck there and stay in that place. Whereas this week is really about you can survive making them, you can survive being in that middle that feels like you can survive that, you know, conscious incompetence stage. And if you don't go for it all, you stay that unconsciously incompetent stage. You stay comfortable, but you stay small. And I don't know, like that doesn't sound like so so much fun because growth is fun, ultimately, when you're willing to do the work. Alright, so I was asked, like, when your brain says, What if this fails? That would be the worst case scenario if this fails. I want you to actually pause here and ask yourself, well, is that true? Is this actually the worst case scenario? If I was like writing a movie about my life and I was like, and you know, and I and I want it to be like this worst case scenario scene, would I be like going for it and doesn't go well? Or would it really be the scene of I'm offered an opportunity or I see an opportunity in front of me and I don't go for it? I decided to walk away. I decide not to try to write my very first book. Or I don't apply to, you know, lead a particular workshop at a festival. Would that maybe be your worst case scenario? Because I'm kind of thinking it would, because if you tried and you went for it, at least you can walk away feeling the pride that you tried, as well as the learning lessons that it gives you. Right? That's how we want to think about it, guys. That's kind of what I've been sitting with here. I've been thinking about these two different podcast episodes that kind of go back to back. And this whole notion of regret and worst case scenario and best case scenario. And that's kind of like how I'm sitting with it right now. So, listen, if you're in something right now, like maybe you're in a launch or feels like a major decision in your life, or something, you know, maybe just slow it down and actually define, you know, what is really the worst case scenario here, and see if it's really as bad as your brain's making it, or if it's really worse than what is happening right now, which might be like just being stuck and not being like in anything that feels real or exciting or feels like it's moving you in a direction you want to go. Really define what is the worst case scenario for you because maybe it's not what your brain is telling you. That's all I'm saying. A little food for thought for the day for the week. Alright, guys, that's what I got for you. I'm sending you so much love. As always, you know that I'm here for you if like any of this stuff is resonating with you here on the podcast. If it's something that's like really like, hmm, you're feeling it, and you know, you want to go deeper with it. You want to like really bring it into your life in a whole different level. You are invited to sign up for a one-on-one consult with me free of charge. Well, you and I will sit down for a whole hour and really listen to what where you are right now in your life and your business and where you want to go, and hear my thoughts and ideas of how you can get there. So it's you can just sign up on tomorrowcoaching.com slash consult. I love you guys so much. Have a beautiful, beautiful day.