How to Be Proud of Yourself

We talk a lot about growth, goals, and “what’s next”… but rarely about something just as powerful: pride.

In this episode, I share a moment from a live group coaching call that stopped me in my tracks—when a woman casually brushed past the fact that she had just stepped into the next level of her business. And it opened a much bigger conversation about how often we skip over our own courage, effort, and becoming.

We’ll explore:

• Why pride isn’t arrogance—and what real confidence actually looks like
• How to stop waiting for results before you let yourself feel good
• The quiet, brave moments that deserve just as much pride as the “big wins”
• Why effort matters more than outcomes
• And how learning to feel proud of yourself can change how you show up in your work, relationships, and life

I also share a personal story about a hard, vulnerable reach-out that didn’t get the response I hoped for—but left me feeling deeply proud of how I showed up. Because sometimes pride isn’t loud… it’s honest.

If you’ve ever felt like you move too quickly to the next thing, struggle with comparison, or find it easier to celebrate everyone else than yourself—this episode is for you.

This is an invitation to slow down, acknowledge who you are becoming, and let pride become a partner in your life.

Relevant Links:

Free Monthly Group Coaching:

www.tamarcoaching.com/group

Special January Only Offer

www.tamarcoaching.com/success

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:13

Yo my people, how are you doing? I hope you guys are really well, enjoying whatever the heck is of your life right now. And I just have to share this awesome thing that happened this morning when I got back from my morning walk. I had opened up my email to find a yearly review, year like yearly report from Buzz Sprout, which is my podcast platform. It's like where I put all my plat my podcast episodes. And they were sharing with me all the awesomeness of what my podcast has created this year. And I was like, hey, yo, did you actually know what podcast I was creating today? How to be proud of yourself. Like, did the podcast gods give you the cue? And then you're like, okay, three, two, one, send the email. Because wow, when I saw those freaking results, I was so damn proud. And I want to share them with you because they are just as much as yours as they are mine. Because Lord, we know how hard it is to show up for yourself in this busy world of adulting. But here you are, week after week, showing up, listening to the podcast, hopefully consuming the amount of information that you need in order to grow and really head up to your 2.0 version of you. So here are the results. I'm gonna just jump into it very quickly before we jump into the podcast. But okay, I've been recording for five months now. Five months and a half, because they didn't, they they include the end of the year, not the next couple weeks here that we are in January. So for five months of podcasting, I've recorded 28 episodes, which is kind of crazy because isn't like, listen, math's not my thing, but isn't that more than once a week? Have I been recording more than once a week? I guess so. I my podcast has reached 29 countries. And interestingly, the top countries, okay, Israel, that makes sense, the US, that makes sense, and Colombia. Folks in Colombia are listening to my voice, listening to my teachings, listening to what I want to give. It just blows my freaking mind. 222 cities have listened to my podcast. 668 minutes of recording. I have sat here with you guys and for you guys and have sat and recorded over 668 minutes of podcast episodes. And I have over 1,432 downloads in just five months. I just have to say, I feel so great. It feels so good. And it's such a perfect, I received it in the perfect time in the perfect episode. Well, all we're talking about is how we can be proud of ourselves. And let me tell you, I am freaking proud of myself, that is for sure. So, all right, so let me share with why this topic felt really important this morning. I, you know, decided this episode, even obviously before I received this report, because yesterday I was leading a group coaching call, you know, one of my free monthly group coaching calls. You know, as you guys know, I do open once a we once a month I open up my space. We I call in all my creatives and healers and heart-led entrepreneurs, you know, people who are like freaking incredible at what they do and who want to feel just as incredible and confident in their business side of their work also. So it's a really special space. If you're not in it, you should come. Come just like I will drop the link and you can come in whatever month works for you. It's really fun. So, and we just kind of coach on all the real inner stuff and all the real outer stuff that actually moves things forward. So, anyways, on this call, I brought on one of the one of my clients, one of the women who had volunteered to be coached. And what the very first thing that she said was something like, Yeah, so you know, I'm up leveling my business because I've reached this next level, and I need to know how to, you know, move it to the next place, actually. And then she just like kept on going on and on and on. Like she just kept on move, she just like said the phrase, I'm up leveling my business because I've reached the next level. And then she went on and on and on to like, you know, where she like needed the support. She completely bypassed the fact that she had up leveled her business to this place. I I was like, you know, I let her kind of do her thing, and then I stopped her and I said, Okay, before we get into any support, before I coach you and help you navigate how to get to the next level, can we just hold it here for a second? Can we just slow down for a moment because you just said something really big. You just told me that you stepped into the next level of your business and you just walked right past it. Right? Let's actually take a moment here. Let's let you feel this. Let's let you drink in the pride of what you just did for yourself and for your business and for every single customer and client that touches your work. Because it's unbelievable. And she, you know, just like everybody else, she didn't really kind of take it in, right? Because our brains are not made for that. Our brains are made for what is not working. That's what I need to focus on, not what is working and what I need to celebrate. And so we have to really kind of point our brains there. That's lots of coaches are freaking awesome, I have to say. Got pat myself on the back there because otherwise we wouldn't. And then we wouldn't create more and more of those amazing moments. We won't fill our bodies with this emotional experience of like, I did that. That was freaking awesome. And it really made me realize how often we do this, how quickly we move on, how rarely we pause long enough to actually feel proud of ourselves. We don't do it enough. And most of us were never taught how. And that's what I want to talk to you guys today on the episode about. Because pride, pride is my very most favorite emotion in the whole world. I think most people will think that for me it might be joy, because I do like some good joy and love, which are also great. But pride kind of for me incorporates all of those things into one. It's the emotion that makes the most things happen in my life. You know, when I feel proud of myself, I want to create more, I want to show up more, I want to take care of myself more. I want to live from a place of choice instead of pressure. I want to love on people more. I want to feel proud of them more. You know, when I say make things happen, by the way, I just want to say, I don't just mean I don't mean just like get things done, because that could definitely feel like that. I also mean rest and nourishment, which honestly are some of my biggest accomplishments these days. Right? I mean letting life just feel good. And here's something I know about myself very well. I have always been really, really good at feeling proud of other people. Like from day one, I remember the feeling of like watching my sister do something amazing. And it might not even be amazing, honestly. Like it might have just been like whatever, just feeling like she's so amazing and she knows how to do such incredible stuff. It really is kind of my superpower, and it feels effortless to me. And I in I just, you know, it's probably why I'm a coach today, I imagine, right? One of the main reasons. Because I see through, it's like I've got this like what's it called? Like when you can see through stuff. Yeah, I've got this like vision where I can see their courage. I can like see it. I can see their growth. I can see them stretching. I literally feel it in my body like it's happening to me. But I had to learn how to do that for myself. And for a long time I really didn't. For a long time, I really could not experience like the pride in something that I had done. And I see this in so many of my clients. People are waiting for someone else to say, I'm proud of you. They're looking for that permission, for the validation, for the proof that what they're doing, what they do matters. Like I said, I definitely I can feel them like waiting for them to hear me say, I'm so proud of you. Well done. And you know, as a parent, I become very intentional about this. When my kids come home and share something they did, something I can tell they feel good about, instead of saying something like, I'm so proud of you, I'll ask them questions. When they were younger, I really I actually remember, and I forgot who, but I remember learning this maybe in a parenting book, parenting video or something, where they're talking about like how we can help create you know build pride in our children and you know, self-pride. And so, like, for example, when my kids would come home with like a a painting, a piece of artwork or something like that, um, and they'd show it to me. And so instead of saying like, wow, I'm so proud of you, great job, I'd say, Wow, the like what is your favorite, you know, what are your favorite colors here that you put? And why did you decide to, you know, draw this and draw that in that way, and then ask them questions about it and allow them to kind of like journey me on it and like let themselves just really like enjoy it themselves. Right? And now when they're older, it's not necessarily art projects, but you know, I'll say like, how does that feel for you and what was that like, you know, inside and all those kinds of things? And I let them arrive at a, yeah, I am proud of myself. I'm really proud that I did that. Because it's so important that we learn how to generate that from within, that we know how to slow down and notice ourselves and actually be with what we have done. And there's also something important here to point out, and I want to point it out very specifically, another piece here that matters so significantly, and that is pride is not about results. I think a lot of folks can feel that way. I know I certainly were. I know that like I used to, I remember being actually on like a backpacking trip, and I remember like saying to myself that I had I think it was something like I had to I had to backpack quick enough to like earn even like a shower when I got home. Something like that. It's like coming back to me right now in this moment, actually. So I don't know the details, but I remember something where it was like I felt like I had to earn either a shower or a good meal or something after this backpacking trip. And I did I would do it all the time with like working out. If I didn't work out hard enough, I wasn't allowed. I guess I held showers against me. That's something I did, I guess. But I, you know, I really I definitely equated pride with like results that I created, but it's not. It's about the effort. And this is so, so important and something thank God I have come to myself and what I teach my clients. Because for a long time I didn't know it. I unconsciously believed I had to earn pride through the outcomes. And it's not that, right? But effort, effort's about showing up, about choosing yourself, doing something that's uncomfortable because it matters to you, doing something that is hard. That is something to be proud of. And I remember that first, I remember the first time this actually all landed for me. Maybe not the first, but definitely one that I remember. But maybe it was the first. It was a few years back, maybe four years back, and I had created a really beautiful and very fun women's retreat. I called Fire and Flow. It was actually taking place at my sister's house, who's like a basically a retreat center in itself. She has a cedar hot tub, an outdoor shower, fire pit, beautiful trails all over the place. It's just like a beautiful spot. And I brought a bunch of women there and we did a whole uh and I hired actually a good friend who makes unbelievable food. She made a whole Indian spread for us, and then she does Brima, which is similar to Thai massage. And she and I had her do give each woman a personal massage, and then I gave each of them a one-on-one coaching session. It was just so freaking great. Anyways, I was doing all the prep, the marketing, the planning, the logistics, and I kept thinking, oh, when this is over, I'm gonna feel so proud of myself and I'm going to celebrate and I'm gonna take, you know, take myself out. I I think I I think the plan was something like, I'll take myself out to sushi and a tie massage, something like that. And then I had this moment where I thought, wait a second, I get to feel proud of myself right now, before the retreat even happens, just for putting myself on the line, for having the idea in the first place, for running with it, for showing up. Like I don't know how it's gonna go, and God willing, it'll be great, but who knows? But whatever it is, I get to be proud right now, and I get to celebrate myself right now. So I went out that day and I bought myself black licorice, which I love. I usually only buy that for myself when I'm like tr traveling somewhere. I bought my favorite kombucha and this mug that I love drinking tea from still to this day. And I celebrate myself and it felt amazing. I think I even shared it on stories because it felt so revolutionary, felt so new to me. I was like, I'm, you know, it's like one thing that I I just started like feeling proud of myself. Then on top of that, I started feeling proud of myself even before I had results. It was like, what? It blew my mind, right? I didn't wait for the results. Because what happens, guys, is when we wait, when we withhold pride until something quote unquote works, we miss the whole point. Which is exactly what I was trying to show my client on this call. That w that woman, the client that I brought in who had bypassed the fact that she just up-leveled her business and didn't stop to celebrate. I told her, if you get to the next level of your business, God willing you will, but you don't let yourself feel proud and pride right now, you are giving up the best part of the whole thing, the best part of the whole story. Why are we even doing this if we don't let ourselves feel those amazing emotions that we work so hard to get? You know, we we humans, we are emotion-driven humans. We are emotion addicts. We do things because of how we want to feel. That is it. We it is not because of these things. It is not because, you know, we'll get that skinny body or we'll get that incredible car or we'll get the hot guy. We think it is, but truly what it is is we'll feel fulfilled, we'll feel excited, we'll feel joy, we'll feel these kinds of things. And you know, I mean, we're so emotion-driven that this is actually a couple examples I give on my on my coaching call when I kind of explain it. It's like I remember when I was living in Australia and being on the tram and the and when a football, you know, football soccer team won that people were very excited about, people would be like on the streets. I would watch from the tram, like trying to flip over cars, you know, like just like all of a sudden, like they've got all this, you know, emotional charge and they're like trying to flip over cars. It's like crazy. And like, you know, people who buy Gucci bags and they spend like thousands of dollars and stand in crazy lines and wait patiently, even though maybe they're the most impatient people, for these, you know, thousands and dollars of Gucci bags when they literally could get like just this like nice functional bag for like five bucks down the street. I know, by the way. I know if there's like Gucci listeners on here and they're like, no girl, you don't know what you're talking about. That's only because you are charged with the Gucci emotion, that is why. Okay, guys. But we do wild things for emotions. So why would we do all this work on ourselves in our lives and in our businesses and not even allow ourselves to feel the pride? Feel the pride. We gotta feel the pride. You earned it. You know, I was I was just on another coaching call with a different client who's a ceramicist. She makes and sells beautiful ceramics from her studio. And we were talking about comparison, about how easy it is to look at other artists and feel really small. And I was talking about what it means to truly believe in our own work, to follow like our own muse, to know how good you are at what you do. And she, like I could tell, she did not feel good about that in this in this, you know, coaching conversation. And she said, that feels really uncomfortable. Like I'd be saying I'm better than other people. And I told her it's that's not what this is, in fact. It is actually the opposite of that. Because when someone thinks they're better than others, what they are experiencing is not pride. And true it's like it's not pride and true belief that they are really damn good at what they do. No, it's the opposite. It means they don't have confidence, that they have they have insecurities. Because real confidence is knowing what I do is really good and what you do is also really good. And my clients and customers are different than your clients and customers. Your people need different things than my people, and you just know that. And that's true pride. Right? And when you're kind of and you're when you're feeling like I'm really good and you're not, it is the opposite of that. Right? It's being able to refer someone to another person without feeling threatened at all. It's being able to celebrate other people's brilliance because you're not questioning your own. That is real power right there. And this is something I care so deeply about, especially for women. I mean, be especially because I experienced this journey myself from going from somebody who had a really hard time of being able to connect and feel proud of myself. And I know this is a story for many women. All right, I've I like you said, like I spent so much time of my life not being there. And I see how women minimize themselves. The businesses that we've built, right, just like my client did, and the families we've raised. I mean, this is no joke. I mean, you know, ha like carrying babies, giving birth to babies, raising babies, nursing babies, everything. It's no joke. But it's not something that we think about, that's something that we have to be proud of. Kind of like, well, yeah, you know, it's like people do this and the healing that we've walked through, how much healing we have done. There are so many so many opportunities to feel so proud of ourselves, of the work we've done there. It just takes simply to show up. How much courage does it take to show up? So much. It is so brave to show up day after day, but yet we do it. So I also want to say this, you know, when we talk about pride, we often, you know, big picture things, kind of, you know, standing on stages, and then you can feel so proud, and big launches and massive milestones, and we can then you can feel really, really proud. But powerful pride lives often in these quiet, smaller, but equally hard moments, too. You know, I mean, like I'll give you an example that kind of captures this for me. When my oldest was very young, I was close with another mom whose daughter was the same age. And we were mom friends. Our kids got along, we spent time together, we weren't we weren't best friends, but we were connected and we spent a lot of time together because our kids were so little, they loved to hang out, and you know, two moms, like it's you know, it's a lonely time and it's so n so nice to be with other women and other babies and everything like that. But over time the relationship kind of became heavier and it didn't feel good anymore. And you know, life shifted. We moved to different places in the country and we just kind of lost touch. And you know, that was I think almost like 15 years ago. And since then we've both been like recently in the past I don't know six months, eight months, we've been kind of circling in similar growth and networking spaces. We're both kind of in this, you know, growth coaching ish kind of world. And when I saw that we are part of the same circle recently, like in a specific networking group that was kind of small, I decided to reach out to her and I left her message saying that I want to kind of clear the air and that I wanted peace between us because it kind of felt like a little bit heavy, not not just a typical like okay we grew apart but there seemed to be a heaviness obviously kind of from her side and I wanted us to find a gentle landing after a kind of a complicated ending. And you know I just kind of said to her that we are both in different places now doing really beautiful growth work and that I hoped we could move forward and with kindness and you know and connect. And she never responded to me. And you know I left her like a WhatsApp message and said to her I'm happy to get on the phone call or we could do it through this and whatever and she never responded. And I have to say and still I walked away feeling so deeply proud of myself because that message was hard to leave for me. It wasn't easy. It was awkward and weird and heavy and I didn't know exactly what her stuff is with me and it was, you know, but I left it because I really wanted to clear a space so that we could have a somewhat normal connection and and not have this kind of heaviness. I wanted to kind of talk it out. You know it asked something vulnerable of me and I showed up I showed up for it. I showed up with honesty and tenderness and leadership and I really I really showed up and I realized that this is what pride looks like too I felt so proud of myself. These hard conversations right these brave reach outs moments where you choose integrity over comfort you get to be so proud. And every time you do something that stretches you even if the outcome isn't what you hoped you earn access to pride right there. And pride becomes the incredible partner because it motivates you it grounds you it builds self-trust it makes you want to live more fully I really think of pride as a partner. I'm kind of like you know we're gonna partner up and you know I'm gonna work and I'm gonna do things that I'm gonna you know do harder things for myself that can help generate pride I'm gonna think things that are going to help generate pride and together me and pride we're gonna like totally rock this world together. You know the very first life coach I ever worked with gave me an assignment. She told me to write a list of 20 things I felt proud of in my life starting from when I was very little like my first memories I think this was even one of her first assignments that she gave me. So I wrote things like being on the swim team in fifth grade and waking up at 6 a.m to jump into a freezing pool and practice my breaststroke even though I never won a race and I was terrible guys. I got disqualified like almost every race because I would just like move my arm in a funny kind of way or my leg or whatever. But I really like I don't know what I was feeling then but when I was writing these down for my list I was like so proud of that little girl. Like she totally worked hard and and even more so she was doing something that she wasn't good at a lot you know like every morning and then every swim meet. And I just had so much pride for her and I just you know wrote my list was full of things like that. And then I came back for the next session the next week and she said to me okay now I want you to add three more every week. Every week I want you to come back to this list and I want you to add three more things that you feel really proud of of things that you've done in your life. And at first it was really hard. I had to think but the more I added the more it started to flow and I would be like oh right I remember this and I remember that and I remember this and eventually the list passed over a hundred items. I actually have not written it in a while and this is making me want to go back to that list but it's amazing to see when you take a moment of awareness and and tension how much you can be proud of yourself over the years. And something inside of me changed when I created this list or more like grew. It more like grew my ability to notice and take in things I've done in my life that filled myself with pride it grew immensely. And now today I don't let one thing get past me when I see how much hard work I put into it. I am like a a self-pride detector I'm just like all in. I notice it I I just like how I described you know in the beginning how I how I just like have a superpower where I feel proud of other people I now have it with myself. Alright guys so I want to give you the same practice as I was given I want you to start to create a list with 20 things that you feel really proud of. Go all the way back to your earliest memory and want big things and small things and quiet things no one ever saw all the things and then every week for the next let's say three months I want you to add three more items to the list and let that list grow. Let the feeling grow let the pride become something that you built and that you built on purpose because you don't have to wait for a result to feel proud of yourself. If there's anything that you can learn from this episode is that it is not about the result, right? It's about the effort that you put into your life and there are so many things that you can feel proud of. You're allowed to feel pride for the effort and the courage and the way you keep choosing yourself man that takes a whole lot of human to make happen. Imagine if every week you grew your self-pride cap capacity by even just one percent imagine if everyone in the world felt proud of the of the person that they were can you imagine if we were just a bunch of human beings walking around feeling so freaking proud of ourselves how different it would and could look right now it would be insane. That's all I just like I'm picturing myself right now and it would be insane. Alright guys well one last thing for all those podcast listeners out there hey hey hey talking to you who likes this and likes this in gathering we have weekly to study some of the most deep and the most meaningful work on bravery and how to courageously show up in our businesses in our lives and you want to go deeper into this work and into building self-trust and clarity and real momentum I'm offering something for January only called the Success Series and it's a three session coaching package. It's a smaller container than my longer work. I o usually only coach in six month containers but for the month of January I'm offering three weeks a three session package and if you decide however if you decide after the success series that you want to continue because this stuff is good because this is like a drug right and you want to go into the deeper coaching journey which is my six month package that investment of the success series carries forward meaning it is free on me on the house and I will link all the details in the show notes so you can go check it out. And if you have any questions you can be in touch with me and I'm happy to answer anything. Alright guys I will leave you with this pride oof pride pride is not arrogance excuse me pride is not arrogance it is self-connection and how in the heck could that be bad for the world? Answer it it can't surprise it can't it also it's available to you right now. So why don't you start with I'm so proud of myself for carving out time to listen to this podcast so I can start honoring myself in all that I do. And then take that take it from here. All right guys that's what I got for you love you all so much and I will see you next week