The Secret to Feeling Safe While Finally Doing “The Thing”

You know that moment in life where you’re finally doing “the thing” and instead of feeling empowered, you suddenly feel like you’re falling through the sky with no parachute? Yeah, that.

In this episode, I’m sharing the real secret to feeling safe when everything in you wants to bolt. We’ll talk about how to stop gripping for control and start building real safety—the kind that comes from trusting yourself in the middle of the free fall.

I’ll share four practical strategies that help you come back to presence, ground yourself when anxiety spikes, and stop letting your fear run the show. We’ll talk about why it’s so hard to slow down (hint: it’s deeper than you think), and what it actually looks like to feel safe while doing brave, bold, uncomfortable things.

“The bravest thing I’ve ever done? Learning how to surrender and be where I am.”

If you’re tired of hustling for a sense of safety that never comes… this one’s for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:12

Hey, you guys, welcome back to Brave Little Things. My weekly, my favorite moment in the week is to come here and chat with you guys. Seriously, I'm not even joking about that. I'm super into it. However, actually, I just came back from another one of my favorites, and that's going to become one of my favorites. I just came back from my first dance class. I cannot tell you how much fun it was. She, first of all, is an incredibly fun dance teacher. And she doesn't do just one kind of dance. She does like all the dances. It was like an hour of mixture of like going through like different countries. Like now we're in Brazil. Now we're in Africa. Now we're in Brazil. 80s rock band in the United States. It was just so fun. I cannot tell you. That's also going to be, by the way, another one of my favorite weekly experiences. So I'm a little pumped today. I'm feeling a little energized, all this stuff. But I have a coach who is obsessed with pickleball. She talks about pickleball all the time in her podcast, in her classes, in her everything. I'm pretty sure that's going to be me in this dance class with you guys. Also roller skating. I'll tell you about it later, but I have started a roller skating Club, a 6.15 in the morning roller skating club, and it is so much fun. Basically, my plan here is to pack as many seven-year-old activities into my day as possible. That is my plan, and so far, it is completely working. Anyway, guys, welcome back. I'm so happy to be here with you guys. We're going to be talking about You know, lots of things, mostly about the secret to feeling safe while finally doing the thing, quote unquote. You know what your thing is. You know what I'm talking about. The thing. So let me ask you guys a question. Just curious. Anyone out there ever gone skydiving? I know that there's some out there. I'm sure of it. I myself have gone skydiving. It was actually pretty amazing, pretty epic. I was living in Australia for a few months and was traveling through New Zealand for a month on my own, actually, meeting up with some really cool people on the way. And we were going to a music festival in the area. There was a skydiving company and it was in the year 2000. It was, you know, the new year of 2000. I was like, well, what better way to jump into the new year into the year 2000 than going skydiving? So we did that. We went skydiving and it was pretty amazing. And I'll tell you something for those who have not gone yet, but want to go. What I did is something that I will never do again, which is I paid extra money for a longer free fall. I paid more money for the plane to go up higher so that when I fall, I don't remember the seconds, but instead of falling for like 10, 12 seconds, I was falling for like 30 seconds or whatever, which by the way, at the time felt like an hour. I was like, I couldn't breathe. The wind was going so fast. I was like, are you going to put the parachute up? What is going on anyway? So, yeah. So I'm just curious because I'm going to I want to use the skydiving metaphor to really kind of open up what we're going to be talking about today. I think it kind of hits the place. You don't have to go skydiving to get it. But right. It's like, you know, when you're skydiving, it's that moment when you fall, you know, in the sky, when you fall like you're falling and you're in the sky, you're falling before the parachute opens.

UNKNOWN: 3:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 3:39

Right. This is the definition of terrifying, terrifying. It's when your brain is like, wait, bad idea, abort plan, get out. Any way to get out of this? It's kind of similar. My only similar experience was when, you know, I was very pregnant and, you know, and, and I was like in the beginning of labor and I was like, crap, how do I get out of this? Like, is there any way to get out? Anybody, I will take any idea. How can I get out of actually having to give birth? Although I will tell you, I am a huge lover of birth. I do love the process. But in that moment, you're just kind of terrified, right? But it's too late. There's like no going back. So really, skydiving is such an amazing metaphor for trusting that you'll be okay, even while falling. Right. Even in that moment, the moment you step out of the plane, you know, there's no turning back. And for a few seconds, you're kind of like in this pure free fall. Right. No parachute, no safety net, just like air rushing past you. The moment that is the moment where you're filled up with the most panic. But what if now I know this is a little bit of a crazy question to ask, but what if you could actually enjoy that moment? I know I didn't at that time. But with these new thoughts, I know that I could. Like, what if you could trust the process and allow yourself to experience the fall rather than resist it? Like, what would it mean? You do have like all the precautions with you, like a well-trained professional strapped to your back who knows exactly what he or she is doing, right? And that's also true for life too, right? In life, we can have precautions. I'm not sure if that's the right word, by the way, guys, but you know, you can have things that you know will help you through stuff. Maybe it is the right word. I don't know. You can let me know. But we have precautions in our back pocket as well, like some of which I'm going to be teaching you today so that when we do fall, we We know and can trust that we will be okay because we are the well-trained professionals now, right? With all the tricks to catch ourselves, we can do that, right? So instead of like gripping, doing more, scrambling for control, which is what most of us do, real safety comes from trusting yourself to handle whatever comes next. Right. Whatever comes next. Can you imagine? I know for a very long time, I could not imagine trusting myself, trusting myself that I'd be able to take care of it, that I'd be able to do it, that I could, you know, have my own back and take care of myself. But once I learned the skills to be able to do that, it was like nothing had anything on me. I was like good. Right. Like I knew if I had me, I was good. Right. So what that could look like, look like in like real life form, right, is gripping onto tasks and achievements. And productivity, like a parachute, right? Like this is like your safety net, thinking that that's what's keeping us safe. But the truth is if we're going to keep going, let's keep going with this metaphor for a second, right? Because the truth is the real safety isn't actually the parachute, right? It's in learning to trust yourself even in the free fall because that is something that we could always be in control of, right? Because the truth is, when you're going skydiving, most of the time, you're not even the one who's in control of the parachute, right? It's this expert that's, you know, that's tagged onto you, right, connected to you, that's going to control the parachute. But in that moment... The control that you have is being able to really go into a space, right? Control your thoughts when you're falling from that sky, right? Knowing that I'm going to be taken care of. They know what they're doing, right? And that I can trust that. And that's been hands down the bravest thing I've ever done. Learning how to surrender. and actually be where I am, right? Also the skydiving part, but this is even braver. And that's exactly what we're talking about today, guys. So if you're anything like me, which I'm guessing at least some of you are, you probably thrive on movement, right? We go, go, go, accomplish, accomplish, accomplish, do, do, do. It's like our busy schedules and constant forward emotion are the shields we carry to avoid the messy emotional work that comes up when we stop. I don't know about you, but stopping has always been the hardest thing for me, the scariest thing for me. I've definitely used work and getting things done and check, check, check, just like other people would use maybe just like overeating, right? Or having too many glasses of wine or whatever that is, right? It's like I was always very afraid of this stop. But here is the kicker here, guys, right? This endless hustle isn't where true safety or joy lives. So I know that it feels this way. At least it felt that way for me. For years, I did think slowing down meant I was weak, unproductive, or falling behind, right? I came from a home where the first question that we were asked when we walked in the door was, so did you succeed? Like we would go, I'd go like shopping with my mom, which by the way, I come from a women- a family filled with women who hate shopping. And so it was always a really big deal. So we would go out shopping, which was like the most torturous activity that me and my mom and my sisters could ever put ourselves through. My poor mom was probably even worse for her. And the minute we'd walk in the door, my dad would be like, so did you succeed? What did you get? And that's just how it was. And so I felt very attached to this, needing to get things done and succeed. But the truth is, is that being present, staying in the here and now and trusting myself in that space, that's what it means to feel safe. And man, that was seriously the hardest work, like seriously the hardest work. So Also, a side note, but also, I was for many, many years a solo mom. I was parenting my kids solo while my husband was on the road for work. And it was very interesting what happened to me then because it was like the hardest time of my life. And it wasn't because of my kids, because bless them, thank God. If you're going to have four kids, these are the kids. They're like just good kids. And they freaking slept beautifully. And they took their naps and they ate their healthy food. And they were just amazing. Of course, they're kids. But it was mostly because I wasn't getting stuff done. And it wasn't like making money. It wasn't making the cash. And I went through a really hard time through it, right? It was really a tricky time for me. Anyway, so... Today, I'm going to share four strategies that have really helped me strengthen that sense of safety and presence. And I've got a full disclosure here. I'm doing this work right alongside you guys. I'm by no means a master of the art of surrender, like not even close. But stick with me here, and I promise that these could really help shift something inside of you, okay? So the first one, the first strategy I want to share here. So these are good guys. If you want to get a piece of paper and pen out, if you just also want to go back, if you're driving, don't do that. Just listen. And then you'll go back later. But the first one is engaging all of your senses. Okay. These are strategies to help us bring us back to the present moment, right? To keep us right here and right now and really kind of lower our anxiety and just be present here. Okay, so engaging all of your senses. This is one of my favorite tools because it's so simple and so immediate, like immediate. When your mind is racing or your anxiety is spiraling, you want to bring yourself back into your body by activating your senses because anxiety lives in the future. Anytime you're feeling anxious, you know that you're thinking about the future. Well, calm and peace live in the present, right? So bringing ourselves back to the present on purpose is a perfect hack for this. These are the kind of questions you can ask yourself when you're like, you know, engaging in this particular strategy, this specific tool. What do I see right now? What do I hear? What do I smell, taste, and feel? Right. You really want to kind of like really be like really say out loud everything that's going on around you at this moment. Right. And what you're hearing, what you're seeing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, all those kinds of things. I remember when I was teaching my first in-person workshop that was actually called being I think called Be Brave, something like that. I was so, I was filled with so much fear and so much anxiety. And then I was like judging myself because I'm like, I'm doing this workshop on being brave and I'm like freaking out. And I remember being in the shower before I went to go, you know, set up the workshop space and go and do it. I was in the shower and I was like, and I use this particular tool. And I was like, okay, what do I hear? Like, what am I hearing right now? I'm hearing the trickles of the shower, right? What am I smelling? And I just like... Take this big inhale. And I was like, oh, I smell like the lavender from my shampoo. Right. And the cinnamon from my soap. And I would just went through all that, just like bringing myself back to like what was happening here and now. And it immediately calmed me down. Right. It was like, boom, just like that. I was back. Right. The worry is. did not vanish. I was still worried, still thinking about, you know, how it was going to go and all that kind of stuff. But I wasn't caught up in it anymore. And that was the difference. Again, your senses can't live in the future or the past. They only exist here now in the now. That's why this works. And no, the moment doesn't have to be picture perfect or feel magical. It just has to be real, like wherever you are, no matter where you are, if you're driving, right? It doesn't have to be this like beautiful thing when you're like saying out loud what you're doing, where you are. It just has to be like what actually is happening, okay? Okay, that's strategy number one. Then second strategy is shift your focus to someone else, okay? Again, this is different ways to be able to stay present and really kind of loosen and shake off this anxiety that's kind of happening for you. So this one's a game changer, especially for those who are in social settings or social anxiety comes up, can kind of creep up on you. This is a great one. So let's say you're at a party and you feel that inner panic. Am I being awkward? Do they like me? Right? You just kind of like spiral in the thinking. You're just thinking so much about what do they think about you, right? These are the questions you want to ask yourself. What's this person talking about, right? Really kind of snap yourself out of being in your own mind and thinking about yourself. You want to snap out and like, well, what is this person? Let's listen to these words that this person is saying, right? What do they need right now? Is it maybe being too loud so that they won't have a conversation with me and maybe I could suggest us moving somewhere? What are they needing? Even looking physically at them, why did they choose that outfit? Is it comfortable? Does it make them feel confident? Noticing, oh, I love those red shoes that she has. Even saying their name out loud helps you kind of snap back into present moment. Focusing on someone else gets you out of your own head. And it helps you stay right here, right now. And the bonus is you'll probably enjoy the interaction more because you're genuinely curious and connected to this person, which is always a major, major bonus. Okay, you ready for strategy three? Okay, the next tool that you can have in your back pocket, right? All we're doing here right now, guys, is we're like filling up our back pockets with all these precautions. I really hope that is the right word because I'm saying it all the time now, but precautions so that when we are in those moments of free fall, which all of us will be if we are living free, fully our lives, right? If we're taking these big steps and moves to kind of build really brave, beautiful lives, it's going to happen. And so we want like as many precautions in our pocket so that when the time comes, we know that like we've got this like expert, you know, attached to us that can like help us through this, that we're going to be okay. We're going to, you know, even during the free fall, we will land on the ground eventually, right? Okay. So the third one, separating facts from your thoughts, right? Here's the thing, guys. Our brains, ooh, our brains, drama queens. I mean, drama queens. They love to spin stories that sound like facts, but are really just fears and assumptions and their own opinions. Like literally our brains are constantly whispering us, whispering their opinions to us all day long. They are just opinions. They are not facts. Big thing to know. So for example, if you're worried about something, Your brain might say, I'm going to mess this up. Everyone will think I'm a failure, right? But those are not facts. Those are just thoughts, right? And that's actually a lot of thoughts I was having before this big, brave workshop I was having, right? Having all these different kinds of thoughts. But the fact might actually, the fact here, right, is simply, I have a presentation next week, right? Or I'm running a workshop today. Those are the facts. The thoughts are, I'm going to mess this up. That's just your brain having lots of opinions over there, right? See how separating the two shifts the energy, right? Suddenly the weight feels like lifted off of you. You're not battling these imaginary monsters. You're just dealing with what actually is here, right? I have a presentation next week. Okay, how do I prepare for that? How do I make sure what I can do to, you know, feel as confident as I possibly can, right? Right. Then you're able to be like resourceful and work and take actions that feel like that actually will help you move forward as opposed to keeping you stuck. Right. One example, actually, of this is I was running a retreat and, you know, obviously in person retreat. Well, there actually are virtual retreats as well. So I guess you could do that. But it was in person and it was amazing, by the way. But I kept on having this like these awful thoughts about this. If it rains, right? If it rains, the entire retreat will be ruined and it will be a disaster. Like that kept on running through my mind over and over and over. And it caused a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety. You know, it was just like it was this immense thing. It's just like because a lot of it was outdoors. You know, a lot of it was hiking and a hot tubbing outside and whatever the whole, you know, a lot of it was outdoors. I was really freaking out about it. But what happened was I went to go a week before to do a trial run to kind of go through the hike and check out, you know, the space and be, you know, be in the hot tub because I, you know, someone's got to do it, you know. And it happened to be the day I went to go check it out was a rainy day. And what happened was I realized that actually it wasn't that bad. In fact, I realized that it was actually even kind of better. You know, you got the whole rainy, cozy vibe happening. And we had a burning fire. What's it called? The fires that are indoors, the wood burning, burning fire going. And it was this like, and I was like, oh, I saw that actually, right? All these thoughts and opinions that my brain was giving me were just that. And that actually I can have different thoughts and opinions. which now after checking it out in the rain were, if it rains, that would be awesome too. And I actually kind of hope it rains now. It like completely shifted and changed on me there. Okay, so that was strategy three. Strategy four, the last one, is really kind of like the art of surrendering, okay? I had actually gone and spent some time with the great and amazing Elizabeth Gilbert, okay? for those who know her, Eat, Pray, Love. And you probably might just know her from me now because I talk about her and she's one of my biggest mentors. And someone in the audience had asked her about how to surrender, like how to actually surrender. Because this, again, this is what this podcast is about. It's been my hardest work. It's something I'm working on all the time. And it feels so intangible, right? And so like, how do you do it? And she gave a great practice, a great exercise to do, which I think is amazing, passing on to you guys, which is basically to begin with, when you're talking about surrendering, to begin with things that you actually love and to make a list of all the things that you are going to surrender to. So for example, some of the things I came up with, like I'm going to surrender to the incredible sounds of the ocean when the waves come up, like Basically, like, I can't do anything about that. They're going to be the way they are. I happen to love the sounds of crashing waves, right? And so I'm surrendering to that. I'm surrendering to, I came up, by the way, with these while I was on the beach. So these are all going to be beach ones. I'm surrendering to how the warm sand feels squishing in my toes. I'm surrendering to the sounds of the kids who are throwing a ball and laughing and having so much fun on the beach. Right. So kind of like really I surrender like I there's nothing I can do about it. It is what it is. And then once you kind of make a list of the things you'll surrender to that actually delight you and make you happy and you enjoy, then making a list of all the things that you're going to really work on surrendering that maybe are harder to surrender to. I'm going to surrender to if my launch doesn't go the way as planned. I'm just going to surrender to it. I'm going to be in it. I'm going to really kind of like not... You know, kind of like, I don't know how many people are going to sign up. That's an up to me. I'm going to do what I can do. And the rest is going to be like up to the universe, God, you know, whatever you believe in. That's what's going to happen. And that for me, I hope that helps for you because that really helps me a lot when I was like a really kind of practicing surrender. So surrendering first to things that you really love and then surrendering to things that are harder to surrender to. All right, so let's go a little deeper here, right? These strategies are powerful, but let's take a minute to get honest. Why is it so hard to slow down and be present in the first place? Because it's not just fear, right? It's also identity, conditioning, and survival. Identity, many of us build our worth around doing, like I mentioned for myself. I come from a family. We do, do, do, do, do. It's been ingrained in me. Who am I if I'm not constantly achieving? That's why young motherhood was insanely hard for me. Identity is a big part, which is connected to conditioning. Conditioning is what we're taught, that we're taught that hard work equals busyness. Slowing down feels wrong. Not achieving is not okay. Right. I find that the conditioning identity kind of go together because what has conditioned this particular kind of way. Right. For my community, all that kind of stuff. And it formed into my identity. Right. It became something like I am somebody who check, check, check, check, check, check things off my list. And then I feel good. Right. I am somebody that did it. And they absolutely do go together. Right. And then obviously there's a survival instinct. Being still means facing emotions that we've been suppressing. distracting ourselves to feel like this, you know, false safety. And it's, again, similar to what I was talking about. You know, it's the same when we can't and we don't allow ourselves to slow down and just be in it. It is the same. We're doing the same kind of thing as somebody who is, excuse me, an over drinker, right? An over Netflix watcher. Anything that is like, I just don't want to slow down because then I'm going to have to be thinking and I'm going to have to be feeling and I don't want to do any of those things, right? And that's what happens. But here's the truth that no one tells us. Safety isn't about control, right? It's not about having it all together or being perfect. Safety is about trusting yourself enough to sit with the messy, uncomfortable parts of life and still believe you'll be just fine. If you can do that, there's literally nothing to be afraid of, honestly. The most successful people are not successful because they have a perfect personality, have a lot of money, they have more connections, better education, all that kind of stuff. All those things, hey, they help. They definitely help. But they're successful because they have gotten really, really good at falling on their face. And then really, really good at feeling comfortable or at least a little more comfortable with the discomfort of that and how much that sucks. And then getting back up. And that's it, right? They've literally become, they've gotten really good at the cycle of like, you know, falling down, like trying something big, falling down, like feeling really uncomfortable, maybe embarrassed, whatever the emotions that come up naturally when those things happen. And, you know, and being okay, like okay with the discomfort of that or at least like okay enough to like be like, but I'm still gonna get myself back up and go at it again, right? When we learn to feel safe on purpose by being present, separating facts from fears and letting the grip loose on needing to know how it all works out at the end and focusing on, you know, just focusing on the connection, we unlock something that is incredible, which is freedom. Truly, as I've been on this journey of really trying to surrender and become what I like to call a relaxed woman, all I can say is it's freedom what I've been feeling. Every time I get a little taste of it, a little glimpse of it, it's freedom. Right. Freedom to live life without constantly needing to prove myself. Freedom to move forward without the fear of what is and what is and what is. And freedom to show up fully as, you know, I am knowing that that is just enough. Literally, I don't need anything else. Right. It is like a deep, deep freedom. Okay. So here's your brave little challenge that I like to give. So over the next week, I want you to take five minutes a day and practice being here right now. This is the first strategy that I offered, the first tool that I offered. You can do this in the shower. You can do wherever you want to, however it works. Start with the senses and maybe start with something that you already do in the morning. You can make this part of your morning routine. So like when you make coffee. Or if you put lotion on your body, right, kind of like being very connected to the moment, slowing down, being clear about what are you smelling, what are you feeling, what are you hearing, like all the stuff, right? And when your mind wanders, gently bring it back. You know, if you catch yourself spiraling, just ask, what's a fact and what's just a thought? Am I having a thought right now, an opinion? Or am I thinking something that's actually a thought? Spoiler alert, about 99.9%, it will be a thought. It might feel clunky at first, that's okay. Presence takes a lot of practice and you don't need to be perfect at it. So one last thing, a little question to think on. What would change if you trusted yourself to be okay, even in a free fall? What would change if you trusted yourself to be okay, even when you're falling. Because in the end, the bravest thing you'll ever do is to achieve, isn't to achieve more, right? The bravest thing is not to achieve more. It's learning how to be here now. And that's the work worth doing every single day. All right, guys, that is it for today, my friends. If this episode, by the way, resonates with you, I'd love to hear from you. I'm also happy for you to pass on this episode for anybody who'd also like to listen. I'd love for you to be in touch with me in my DMs and Instagram and share your experiences with these strategies or tools and which ones worked better for you than others. And if you're loving the podcast, take a moment, please, to leave a review. It helps more people find this work and start their brave journey just like you guys are right now. So until next time, guys, keep showing up, keep trusting yourself. And remember, You are braver than you think. I love you guys so much. Have a beautiful day.